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EWH3 #654: Crystal City

Hares:  Red Vag of Courage, Dial F, Roll Over, Bitch, Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack, and Six Fags

Virgins: Too many to list….and I missed opening circle

Visitors:  Bad Whore, Fuckin A+, Motherload

OnOnOn: Freddies – where dreams come true

Hurrah for Tour Du Hash week! Of course there were metro issues on my way to hash so I missed opening circle but I’m going to guess a large pack circled up with a crap ton of virgins, sang a rousing rendition of My Name is Joe, and were off. I caught up to the pack just as they were heading into the suburbs of Crystal City. It was clear that our current and former harerazors wanted to teach the pack a lesson….seriously what did we ever do to you guys except show you love and respect?! We were marched up every single hill to be found in the area. You know its bad when even Cock Soup is about to pass out. Anyway after several miles and a few tears we came to the beer check….wait just kidding! Finally after several more false alarms we found the real check where there were some much needed cool refreshments.

After a few tasty, tasty beers and a bit of recovery time the pack was once again off for what thankfully turned out to be a relatively straight shot to the end. We all milled about and waited for Plan B to arrive and then had some fun with….

Violations:

Just Greg and Sophie were wearing shiny new drinking vassals

Whiskey Business was so worried that he wouldn’t get enough attention on his birthday that he decided to go out and break his collar bone to make sure.

The Hares were more of a tease than The Scarlet Letter

Just Daniela took over the title of dirtiest girl at the hash when she willing rubbed herself in Chip’N Fails’ sweat

Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack’s mug is apparently the only thing of his getting any lady wet these days

Brokeback Mama was heard saying “A vagina is actually cleaner than a mouth”….when was the last time you saw one to know?

Everyone that was partaking in the wine and cheese party at the on-in….mostly just bc I was jealous I didn’t get any

Whiskey Business was heard saying that “washing with my left hand was weird but jerking off was just fine”

It was so hot that the Hares were actually trying to get iced.

Violations from the Crowd:

 Silly Gay Virus for helping zip Whiskey Business’ jorts

PIO was trying to be a raceist by yelling “yellow shirt, yellow shirt” coming into check only to realize half the pack was already there

Osama Been Hashing was heard saying “24 virgins?! I’m a 3rd of the way there!”

Then it was time for a relatively usual event…..a naming!!!

Just Marc is from Richmond and was in the Air Force. He now works with Chip’N Fails as a computer operator for a gov contractor. He likes a lot of different kinds of porn and once had a girl fart in his face when he was going down on her. He is apparently really afraid of women and last year when he was drunk shat his pants. Rumor also has it that he has a larger than average Asian penis.

Names that didn’t suck:

Down with Yo PooPoo

The Scat Man

Tossed Salad

Itty Bitty Bukake Committee

Interracial Butt facial

Henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing…except Great Falls! Just Marc shall be known as Interracial Butt Facial

On-On

6 Pigs in a Blanket

EWH3 Scribe