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It was a dark and stormy Thursday when we all got our passports stamped for the [mumblemumble] annual hippie hash and invaded Takoma Park MD. This was lucky, since Twinkle Twinkle hadn’t done laundry in months and was down to his last clean shirt, a tie-dyed shirt, which he got from a friend he slept with in Highschool. It’s important to point out that he went to an all boys school.
Despite the Odyssian trek, we were joined by quite a few virgins:
Sam, Shada, Carrissa, Sarah, Liza, Nathan, Brian (x2), Ian and Isao. This continues a disappointing trend of far too many men. Stop that.
We were graced with visitors in the form of Trasbees from Seoul and the ever entertaining Bulls Deep, who brought the effervescent scent of garbage and regret with him from the Carolina Trash.
Trusting our collective bags to a pile outside of the metro vice the gooey sanctity of Plan B, upon which being seen by Excuse Me Is That Your Bag? (who, showing how sensitive women aren’t, wore a baby panda t-shirt -TOO SOON!-) immediately vapor locked and exploded, we plunged into the hills of greater MD. Why the fuck we keep going back there was a communal question immediately asked by all.
Strangely, Just Scott completely missed start and most of trail despite coming to circle in Plan B.
The trail was long, wet and uneventful, or so you’d think with the lack of violations and interesting stories from the pack. We did notice some interesting things on trail, however. Chief among these was that Dr Toolittle was the worst smelling wanker on trail. She’ll claim this is due to handling animals all day, but I think I just misspelled “wankers balls”. She was later seen on trail complaining about an inability to get something to squirt (a usual problem for her), only be assisted by a wanker who was more gifted at the act than she: Twinkle. Never one to let a hat go untricked, Toolittle then informed the entire pack that “So many people have seen my vagina” due to her medical issues, but I think I misspelled “being a whore”.
Continuing the trend of bringing too many swinging dicks to the hash, Benin Pulled Out picked up a bit of trail treasure… a dude. Who graced us at end circle, but blessedly showed that he was good hasher material by disappointing the women.
Mr Head did something, but I can’t read my writing.
Helping us remember that this was the Jewish new year, Brown for the Gay Guy spent the entire trail complaining about the trail, hashers, the price of everything and the lack of wieners in his face.
Just Tera, proving that panties designed for heavy flow Maxi Pads should not be worn outside of your unclean time of the month spent the entire trail fighting to keep her panties from falling off as she ran. I’m having a lot of trouble spelling “being a whore”.

Speaking of Just Tera, answering her unspoken fantasy, we forced her onto her knees in the middle of a circle of sweaty men and women. Because it was time for a NAMING!

Just Tera went to a school for something and works somewhere, but it rained on that page, so it shall all have to be a mystery.
We had a couple miserable names, but she stunned the crowd by admitting that she shat herself. On the 4th of July. Of this year. Strangely that wasn’t only 4th of July on which she shat herself. Our ever creative and sharp circle immediately latched onto this, and without any preamble at all she was named:
Red White and POO!

Everyone was happy, but also getting increasingly wet (by rain, and not your sexually gifted scribe) so we went to the bar.
R, W & Poo had to go clean herself up.

On out to Red Dress weekend!!!
-Chippen Failz