Tag Archive for: 778

EWH3# 778: The America’s Birthday Trail! – Stadium-Armory Metro (Blue-Orange Line)

When: 1 PM Thursday July 4, 2013

Where: Stadium-Armory Metro (Blue/Orange Line)

Hares: Uno Dos Tres Liftoff! and friends

On On On: Casa de UNO and Don’t Ask Don’t Smell


This trail started on a hot and sunny day in DC the perfect setting for a trail on the birthday of ‘Murica 2013. The pack gathered at a park just off Potomac ave where the brew crew, Cum Dumpling and Pinoki Ho, managed to park Plan-B. The GM for the evening Colliteral Damage started off by introducing the virgins to the pack,  Just Ghada, Erica, Morgan, Stephanie, Kyrie, Paula, Kelly, Jessica, Meghan, Allegra, Jeff, Tyler, Alicia and Nate. Damage introduced some visitors too, Anal Beads, Mouthful of Bush, Pretty Fly for a Rabbi, Just Cupcakes, Broke Back Dyke, Donald Dick, Stick it in my Socket and Seamen Service.

Doubling as the hare representative Colliteral Damage explained how bad the trail was and people may as well go to the National Mall and get seats for the fireworks now, but most of the pack stayed anyway. She then lead us in a song about a man who had to work in a button factory on the fourth of July, then the pack was off.


The trail was short and sweet (like my wiener ) dead ending at the back door to Don’t ask Don’t Smell and Uno Dos Tres Liftoffs(our GM and Brew Meister)  place. The group quickly took to the beverages in the coolers and cooled down as best they could. After a good long break the RA for the afternoon Daisy Chain gathered up the pack and started circle as they drank and stuffed hotdogs and hamburgers in their mouths. She started by violating the hares Don’t ask Don’t Smell and Uno Dos Tres Liftoff, then reintroducing the virgins and reminding us that we have some weird visitors. Then it was time for violations!!


Fister Robuto was violated after he informed others he was too cheap to buy r*nning shorts with a pocket above the rear and would rather continue to hide things in his rear.

Rape and Spillage was violated after he was hear saying “I haven’t been squirted on like that in a while” after he was sprayed with a hose.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock was violated for saying jorts don’t give a rash because hes built up calluses in his groin area.

Hamaphrodites and Unicorns was violated for wearing spandex on trail that failed to keep his prolapsed rectum in check.


Then it was time for the most solemn occasion of a naming. The first lucky hasher to get down on their knees this crowd was just Jeremy.  A little about Jeremy does something for the Govt. he doesn’t want to talk about, (its ok we don’t want to know about the sexual requests those senators make), he went to OK state, hes a Sooners fan, his degree is in micro biology, once passed out while receiving, and once had sex on the metro(Glitty Clitty do you know this kid?). The rest was vague and uninteresting, there were a handful of names were thrown out but only one name worthy of this hasher was found. Forever more and throughout the world of hashing except (you know who you are) Just Jeremy will be known as Water Boring!!


What could be better to follow a naming you ask?? Another naming that’s what!!! The next hasher to be named on this day was Just Matt. Just Matt was short on details and stories but a few important things, he grew up in the armpit of America(NJ), he attended the University of NewHaven and received a degree in mechanical Technology, he is currently working for the US Navy as a SeaBee, he will soon be leaving us for China(good riddance), he once had a long conversation with a lady boy in Thailand before he figured out he wasn’t talking to a lady, was once bitten while receiving oral, and was once caught with a girl on the couch by his parents. The crowd had a few good names to offer including Fister Act, Basic Flaming, Scars and Bites, Charley, and Bulk Head. But there was only one name worthy of this hasher, Forever more and throughout the world of hashing except (you know who you are) Just Matt will be known as Ambiguous Assault !!


And then the pack was Happy. The pack continued to hang out and drink until all the beverages and food were gone.


On – Happy Fourth!!! -On

EWH3 Scribe

Little Thunder Clap