When: March 12, 2015

Where: Stadium-Armory (Blue/Orange/Silver lines)

Weather: Warm-ish, finally. Around 50 degrees F.

Hares: Jew With a Dragon Tattoo, Eat My Sharts, Penis Flytrap, Bitch Please, 4 Whores and 7 Rears Ago, I’m Tho Thor, There’s a Clap for That

Virgins: Just Maddie

Visitors: Clit Hanger, Merica Fuck Me, Pooples Mountain Majesty, Uncle Bad Touch

On After: Molly Malone’s

They say there is gold at the end of the rainbow, but all the evening brought was shiggy, beer and sandwiches, which is actually is richness in hashers’ eyes.

We also weren’t poor in people having some poor luck on trail:

• Dr Too Little must have gone down on a balding leprechaun with that big green merkin on her head.
• How I Met My Brother’s legs caught the attention of some trail treasure, only to discover they were in high school.
• Infidellatio was heard telling Jew-Cock-A to paper bag it, right in front of the STD clinic. Perfect timing.
• Speaking of the STD clinic, the Hares-provided green shot check is actually the color of their pee. Get that checked out!
• Yellow Line confused mustard with lube. Prime that meat, indeed.
• Red White and Poo actually said its not her job to be funny. She paid us back with a trail-inspired limerick.
• With zero context, Sorest Rump uttered, “Uncle Bad Touch.” That seems to be something (or person) we should report to the authorities.
• Slothy Seconds lost a game of slap the bag, leaving her all covered in something green and sticky. To the STD clinic!
• Just Maddie celebrated her birthday and can now drink legally.

It was a lucky night and very solemn occasion for Just Alissa. She grew up in Ohio, keeps going back to school for more degrees and has a lot of stories that actually begin with, “this one time at band camp.” One of those times was a slip n’ fall (fail?) while going down on a guy in the shower. She also prefers long hair, on every part of the body. But don’t forget that one, fateful Dec. 31st where the clock tolled midnight and instead of kiss, all she got was shit … in her pants. Happy Poo Year, indeed.

Always magically delicious,

Mambo # Hives