When: May 7, 2015

Where: Brookland/CUA (Red line)

Hares: Pinocchi-Ho, Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack, Poophole’s Mountain Majesty, Wookin’ Pa Nub, Areola 51

Virgins: Evan, Hadley, Lauren, Matt, Panos

Visitors: Gay Bait, Just Susan

On After: Steele Plate

Weather: Seasonal in the low-70s (finally).

Did this week’s trail cross with start more than once in recognition of Catholic University’s environs? Either way, some hash commandments were definitely broken:

• Thou Shall Be Called Out for Fantasizing about Religious Fanfic — Whoregon Trail and Aunt Vagina’s Maple Syrup are the co-authors of the Mean Girl-inspired, “On Wednesdays We Wear Wimple”
• Thou Shall Be Called Out for Being Over Prepared — Just Susan advised her virgin to bring enough water to end the California drought
• Thou Shall Be Called Out for Racist Attire — Just Trevor is a mudder tougher
• Thou Shall Be Called Out for Sex on Trail — that includes video chats, Around The World in 80 Lays
• Thou Shall Be Called Out for Trying to Pass for a College Student — Gladiator was just trying to recapture his frat life glory days
• Thou Shall Be Called Out for Acceptable Hash Behavior — Honey Nut Queerios thought the nuns in their habits were fellow hashers
• Thou Shall Be Called Out for Being a Human Alarm System — if you ever hear Quantum Whizics chirping like a bird, she is also peeing

We also wanted to know if Just Alex broke any commandments. Turns out that he suffers from whiskey dick when really drunk, or when in vicinity of Republicans. But that doesn’t mean he didn’t try (to get) really hard, same goes for some PCP-laced pot. This determined eagerness is fitting for a musical theater junkie with fond memories of hooking up with teenagers at camp. That is why he now holds the name, Diddle Her On The Roofie.

If I Were a Rich Scribe,

~ Mambo # Hives