Tag Archive for: Arrested Development

Hash Trash – The “I Just Blue Myself” Trail

When: Thursday May 23, 2013.

Where: King Street Metro

HaresMr. hEd as Lindsay Bluth Funke, Blows a Tranny as George-Michael Bluth, Virgin Queen as Buster Bluth, Tend Her Loins as Maeby Funke, Sexorcist as Lucille Bluth, Little Thunder Clap as Gob Bluth

We trekked our way down to Virginia to look for money in the Banana Stand! Our virgins were Justs: Randy, Rachel, Emily, Hannah, Eryn, Lindsay, Kevin, Will and Sahil. The question is did any of them get laid? Maeby! Tuna Jerky was our visitor – Did Buster meet him at Army?

The pack ran through the sticky humidity and wetlands. There were checks and tricks (eh illusions) on trail. There was an Eagle (no dead dove) and a Turkey (why wasn’t it a chicken) trail option and we didn’t even have to send a GM out on a Segway to rescue lost hashers (winning). Most importantly there was a Beer Check (aka dinner).

We circled up in a sticky back parking lot to teach the pack a lesson (but the one armed man was no where to be seen and the hot cops had a gig). Eventually we got around to violations:

  • Wank Like An Egyptian – For moving to LA. We are sad to miss out on all the crazy sh*t you are going to do in LA next year. Also you better let us caress your fabulous new brea*t implants when you get back;
  • Whore Crimes – for dressing like he was in the movie Magic Mike (or maybe he was just a pirate actor);
  • Little Thunder Clap – for being an Anal Rapist. At opening circle he had Slimer spooge on his shirt;
  • Wowo – for bringing a birth control PSA to trail (seriously congratulations);
  • I Manuel Cunt – for being too obvious about his pimping professions (I mean look at his hat);
  • Dial F – for gangsta peeing (one ass cheek to the wind);
  • Tragic Carpet Ride – for running on trail;
  • The Hares – for trying to kill us for crossing up back and forth and back and forth a giant freeway (there wasn’t a wild seal after us or anything – geez);
  • Cutting Class – for wearing the longest jorts possible (I think those might be called pants);
  • Cocktologist – broke her leg during rough sex by being pounded too hard against the wall (acceptable hash behavior); and
  • Mr. hEd – for putting on more clothes after hash (unacceptable hash behavior).

Then we had a very special occasion (and no it did not involved an ice cream sandwich or Afternoon Delight) A NAMING. Just Anthony went to UVA and studied Economics and Spanish and now is an IT consultant. His worst blow job involved receiving road head where he could not finish due to nerves (was there a giant rock in the car with you?). However, Just Anthony was not too nervous to have car sex in his manual Nissan Sentra (while driving the vehicle) on several occasions in high school and sometimes he was drunk (this guy seriously just found hashing). For those of you following along at home – she rode him! Also he once got suspended for using romp.com – a choose your own sexual escapade game. We had some excellent naming options for Just Anthony: Driver’s Head, Vehicular Spermacide; Watch Out for Hop Ons; Dick Shift; and Whore on the Floor. Henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing Just Anthony will be known as Skeet Car Named Desire.   

Everyone was happy and the pack headed to the on-after to bathe in tequila and melted cheese (yum) at Dos Amigos!

I’m sure someone made a huge mistake this week but there will always be another hash as long as you are not too chicken (dance) to come back


Glitty Clitty Gang Bang

EWH3 Scribe