Posts

EWH3# 838: WH4 Annual Invasion Trail!: 6:45 PM Thursday, July 10, 2014 – Columbia Heights (Green/Yellow)

WhenThursday July 10, 2014
 
Where: Columbia Heights Metro (Yellow/Green Line)
 
Hares: Pulp Friction, Tomb Raper, Wreath Around, Read Between the Slime, Poop Dick.
Miscellaneous Crap: Pulp Friction is moving away to go be productive with his life 🙁
 
 
I’m really gonna miss this face.
And Palookaville will never be the same.
 
 
 
(An average night at Palookaville)
 
WeatherBiblical, end times, “everyone get in the giant boat that the dirty hippie told us about!” rain.
 
Ononon: Wonderland!
 
VirginsJust Jessica, Just Matt, Just Amanda, Just Steve, Just Lisha, Just Rebecca, Just Lauren, Just Jennifer, Just Natalie, Just Rob, Just Layla, and Just Tommy.
VisitorsSpelunk My Junk from Oregon and Body Language from Geneva.
 
And… Violations! Er, hold on, WH4 Scribe, Chippenfailz, has something to say… I’m just gonna…
 
 

Ahem. Like Adam begot the all star cast of the bible, so did Gispert begot
the thing you know as hashing. And thus through the lines, the key
players went out through the world to leave their mark on the world,
so it was with hashing.
White House begot EWH3, and the world was never the same. We’re still
kind of being blamed for that. But every one in a while we come to our
ill begotten children, and remind them how hashing is done. We’re
still hopeful our mother hash will come and show us the same. We’re
pretty much making it up as we go along.
So we found ourselves, on a bright and beautiful Thursday, making our
way to start location, ready for a wonderful trail only to learn that
the EWH3 RA’s let us down in the weather department, ensuring fairly
constant rain until the WH4 esteemed and funny talking RA took things
over, clearing the skies.
True to form, we were joined by more virgins than many kennels see, in
the form of (Just) Jessica, Matt, Amanda, Steve, Lisha, Rebecca,
Lauren, Jennifer, Natalie, Rob, Layla, and Tommy.
We were further blessed to be visited by Spelunk My Junk from Oregon
and Body Language from Geneva.
With a rousing rendition of Father Abraham, which most of the EWH3
pack found entertaining mostly due to the fact that it wasn’t My Name
Is Joe, we headed on out to enjoy(?) a wet and wild COHI trail.
Greeting us at the end of trail and the start of circle, was a pack of
about 15 dogs behind a fence who barked the. entire. time. Also
greeting us there was Red Vag of Courage who made an art out of
shortcutting the. entire. trail.
Hearing that this was an EWH3 trail, and fearing the worst, Please
Step Away From The Whores spent the whole night in a full body condom.
Nothing will stop what these youngsters can possibly give you.
The hares laid trail with red tinted flour, causing Pulp Friction’s
arm to be red up to the elbow, causing You sucked my battledick to
harken back to the last time she saw a mans forearm that red… her
last date.
Tuck Tuck Deuce, clearly needing the instructions of experienced
hashers, was seen to solve one of the tit checks.
Not satisfied to creep everyone out with his own face, Tragic Carpet
Ride was seen drinking out of a vessel bearing another mans “O” face.
Because you never can tell, The Hares marked BN with a questionmark (BN?).
Special Red, betraying his own kind, confused Ginger Snatch for Pinnochi-Ho.
Cum Bru Lay was violated, because he knows why.
Speaking of gingers in action, Pinnochi-Ho found trail treasure…
with a pulse. And lo, we welcomed Just Kimberly!
The Hares were called in to pay for their sin of using tit checks more
frequently than republican talking heads use Nazi references.
Finally, it came time to say a very special goodbye to some hashers:
Pulp Friction lied on his application and managed to get someone to
accept him to law school. This was his last EWH3 trail until he fails
out or he passes and we desperately need his services.
London Bitches Going Down, while having left us for the Marines a
while ago, will be leaving us in a more permanent sense when he
marries 6 Pigs in a Blanket in December. This was last EWH3 trail as a
single man.
Choke And Gag Her, a highly trained and successful Naval Officer
thought that life was too reliable and has quit that job in order to
move to Spain to be a DJ. Smart life choices, kids.

After that, we all drank and got laid and our children learned a
little bit better what it means to be a hasher.

On out,
WH4 Scribe,
Chippen Failz
 

Back to your regularly scheduled program….

 
Thank you, WH4 RA, Mono Railed, and WH4 Scribes Chip and Ginger Snatch, for a rousing circle and a rockus good time.
 
Next up… A NAMING! 
 
Just Samantha hails from Florida where she attended UF (GO GATORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and graduated with a Material Science and Engineering degree (GO GATORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). She currently works for the Nuclear Regulatory Commission (GO NUKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), has a thing for goats, sky diving, and DP porn. Once called chicken head (after giving a public blow job outside of a club under a street light), Just Samantha swiped her V Card at sixteen in a waterbed with a 22yo (it’s Florida, so good chance it was actually a goat). While driving in Iceland not too long ago (which she compared to Narnia), Just Samantha took out her sexual frustration via vehicular emu-slaughter (apparently goats > emus). Also, she’s never shit her pants or encountered aliens. Clearly a liar (I love parenthesis).
Some names were thrown out, most of them horrible, but the best of which were Fuck-you-Shima, Björk, Björk Björk Björk (this one didn’t actually make it, but every time I think of it I laugh so hard I cry. Say it to the tune of a chicken “bok”ing), and The Lying, The Bitch, and the Whoredrobe. The hash voted, and henceforth and forevermore, Just Samantha will be known as The Lying, The Bitch, and the Whoredrobe. 

 

On- big time sensualityyyyyyyy– On,

Mr. hEd

EWH3# 802: The Anything You Can Lay, We Can Lay Better Trail! 6:45 PM Thursday, December 5, 2013 – Columbia Heights Metro

  • When: 6:45 PM Thursday December 5, 2013.
  • Harriettes: Whorescope, Miss Me Gag Me, Blow White, Just Amy, and Just Pam
Last week our hares brought us through the wilds of CoHi, proving that, once again, ladies just do it better. The all-female gang bang (wait, where was Glitty Clitty?) took the virginity of 16 us, making us all very glad that Hell’s Anal provided plenty of lube. Our de-flowered have now been respectively renamed Just Emile, Just Peter, Just Matthew, Just Nick (x2), Just Roger, Just Cliff, Just Dean, Just Morgane, Just Brendan, Just Adam, Just Megan, Just David, Just Tania, Just Deborah, Just Ellie, and Just Sam, and if I remember correctly, they were all EXTREMELY single. So, buy them a beer next week and leer at them all creepy-like!

Some of the stupid things you did on trail, includes, but is not limited to…

UNOBTAINIUM broke his arm after falling down on his bike while masturbating. Leave the multitasking to the women, Unobtainium!

I WILL PEE IN YOU was violated for pouring out a full beer before trail began. Alcohol abuse is the worst abuse and is punishable by spankings. I recommend S&MOM, he’s quite good.

PEE WEE’S LITTLE ADVENTURE was impressed by how clean the backwoods of Columbia Heights are. When you live in Ape Mansion, apparently being homeless is preferable.

GLITTY CLITTY GANG BANG tried to pet a pussy on trail and was rejected. Sorry GCGB, I guess sometimes they really do bite.

FRANK LLOYD BITE was caught on trail saying “I’m half way to becoming a dinosaur!” Sorry lady, but the hash doesn’t have enough room for two Syphilasaurus, and currently Whizz Bizz holds that title. Although I hear it’s just a pissing contest (get it?! GET IT?!)

DADS, on trail, declared quite smugly, “I’m getting a degree in sticking big things in tiny places.” Sorry dude, but I don’t think they give out grad degrees for sleeping with UNO.

RPI was violated for scaring a group of young African American children. Apparently having a big bald white guy run at you very quickly with one-hundred of his closest friends following behind is worth declaring “OMG SO MANY WHITE PEOPLE! WHY?!?!”

….and all of these shenanigans led us right to the crux of the evening… a solemn occasion… a naming!

Just Amy hails from Merrilynd, graduated from Virginia Tech, and works as a biostatistician. She once had sex in an elevator and was caught by her friend’s grandmother, pooped her pants a few weeks ago in Whiskey’s car, and was once given a citation for peeing in public. Amidst all of the drunken stories told, three stood out: Just Amy once threw up in her hair and dyed it pink, she was her female best friend’s first kiss, and she got so drunk at the halloween trail that she stole a pumpkin from a church and carried it home. Names were suggested, but among the best were Pinky and the Stain, Gwen Stuff On Me, Cocktogenarian, and the Gourd, the Bad, and the Slutty. The hash voted/drunkenly mumbled, and Just Amy will hence forth and forevermore in the world of hashing (except Great Falls!) be known as THE GOURD, THE BAD, AND THE SLUTTY. And the hash went home, got a piece, and The Gourd, The Bad, and The Slutty, went home, stole a church’s Christmas wreath, and woke up in a puddle of someone else’s urine. What a beautiful life!

On-Hugs and Kisses and Vomit-Stained Hair-On,

Mr. hEd

EWH3 Stunt Scribe