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Hash Trash for EWH3# 793: The Third Anal Princess Trail! 6:45 PM Thursday, October 17, 2013 – Dupont Circle Metro (Red Line)

When: 6:45 PM Thursday October 17, 2013.

Where: Dupont Circle Metro

Hares: Snatch Shot, Colitteral “It’s My Birthday” Damage, Aunt Vagina’s Maple Syrup, Bless Me Father for I Have Rimmed, Mr. hEd, Cock Your Suck I Will.

Miscellaneous Crap: Live A to B trail.  Trail is dog and glitter friendly.  Pack light, bring headlamps, be smart.

Weatherperfect

On On On: McFadden’s

 

This years princess trail started on a amazing evening for hashing. The pack gathered in the middle of Dupont circle some sauntering up in full princess regalia others donning their attire as they arrived. The hares were soon off and the pack readied themselves. Plan-B was found a spot a while after the pack gathered, but parking at Dupont is always tough. Brew crewers  Tuck Tuck Deuce and Blow White made sure almost all the bags of this large group made it into the back of Plan-B, Dupont always has a high turnout. Our soberish GM for the evening Don’t ask Don’t Smell explained to the virgins how to get lost on trail then he circled up the wankers and shortly after kicked things off. He introduced the virgins Just  Danielle, Cynthia, Juan, Carly, Cathy, Rachel, A.K., Chris, Lisa, Mark, Varun and Nick. With no visitors the hare representatives Bless me father for I have Rimmed  and  Aunt Vaginas Maple Syrup told the pack how the idea that they would find beer was a total fairytale and they all should just grow up and stop imagining things, but the pack stayed anyways. Then the Princesses led the pack in a song and dance about a man who pushes buttons all day and dreams about his own princess. Then the pack was off.
The hares led the pack in circles around the dupont area. To find a shot check on the way to the first beer check in a sweet secluded back alley. The pack was soon off again and the pack beat Plan-B to one of our favorite back alleys by a fire station.  //Hidden Bonus!! Im almost certain nobody reads these. Come see me for a “prize” just remember the codeword “Alabama Sturgeon”. MM excluded and limited “prizes” so keep it to yourself.

The RA for the evening Cock-a-Doodle-Do-Me circled up the PACK. She started off by violating the hares Snatch Shot, Colitteral “It’s My Birthday” Damage, Aunt Vagina’s Maple Syrup, Bless Me Father for I Have Rimmed, Mr. hEd, Cock Your Suck I Will for their princess trail. She then reintroduced the virgins and the visitors. The Jubilee Bless Me Father for I Have Rimmed had a few things to hand out to the long time comers, Puss and Boots and Issues and Tissues  received their necklaces for Cuming 17 times and Mr. hEd, Hells Anal, and Glitty Clitty Gang Bang  received their shorts for cuming 69 times. Thanks for cuming out!!!

Then it was time for Violations!!!

Pole Her Express was violated for ignoring the port-a-potty behind the fence and just peeing on the fence rather than walk around 4 feet to get to them.

Tragic Crapet Ride was violated for bringing sanitary napkins on trail. With a man this size we still didn’t have enough.

Hungry Hungry Homo was violated for being color blind, either her cant see very well or where he comes form snow is brown, because he is the darkest snow white I have ever seen.

Glitty Clitty Gang Bang claims to have a “cold” sounds like a case of post red dress Hastivitis.

Mr. hEd was violated for almost getting arrested. Not the first time she has been accused of being a prostitute.

Whiskey Business was violated for not waiting to get home.  He brought his runners stick so he could rub one out after his run.

Im Tho Thor was violated for complaining about being thore. His nipples were chaffing again.

It takes two to Django was violated for breaking and entering, he was the first to move the fence to use the port-a-potty.

Clitoral Damage  and Zero Shart thirty  were violated for starting an argument with each other on an onling forum(Reddit). Turns out those geeks you see arguing online are exactly what you think they are in real life.

Shortly after the strippers showed up and all macho mugs were poured out and the pack made their way to McFadden’s to Ride Bulls and drink more beverages. Big thanks to Don’t Ask Don’t Smell for not letting anybody get arrested, and Soberish GMing for so close to his birthday.

 

On- Who ordered the strippers!?!?! –On

EWH3 Scribe

Little Thunder Clap

 

EWH3 #784 – We like what you do with your tongue trail 

When: August 15, 2013 – 6:45 pm

Where: Hipster Circle aka Dupont

Hares: Blow White, Miss Me Gag Me, ShimJob, and Steve (yes folks that is his hash name)

It was a lovely late summer August evening in DC. We circled up among the families picnicking (cover your ears kids), the kool kids blasting pop music and a classy harp player. I Manual Cunt starting his evening off right by picking up an old lady in a mobility scooter. Is there such a thing as too old to be a cougar? Also Tongue Punch my Fart Box doused his head in glitter because we all know glitter is so much better than Rogaine for Men. Welcome to Dupont circle. Have you met the hashers?

Our gorgeous GM C-Damage corralled us into a circle (not a square) so we could meet our dates….. eh I mean virgins Justs: Sarah; Kevin; Ben; Graham; Arif; Jon; Sam; Amy; Caroline; Patti; Loren; Victor; and Andrew. We had no visitors (tear) but I Manual Cunt was visiting from California (yay). Next we sang a song about our friend Joe who works in a button factory and we were off. We ran north through the slums of AdMo (stabbing at the Reef – seriously?) and into the wilderness of Rock Creek Park. There was a wet and juicy Eagle Trail and a short and dry Turkey Trail (like your Mom) and we climbed a big rock. We had a beverage check (thanks Shamrock and Premature Ejaculation), ran some more, and ended up next to our favorite G-Town boat rental establishment (hint he might be a necrapheliac) . 

Our freshly wedded RA, Cock-a-Doodle-Do-Me, (Congrats) was the end circle master of ceremonies. Beverages were drunk; “song” were sung; and we got to (my favorite)…. violations (those not already mentioned):

  • Mr. hEd told a tale of woe about how at Beer Mile she had a lot of trouble drinking her beer. She just couldn’t swallow fast enough but then she thought of a penis and it went down much much easier. #ItUsuallyDoes
  • The Hares had way too many tit checks on trail (wait is this a thing?);
  • Assmaster 2000 brought two virgins to trail but failed to tell them his hash name #HasherFail. But he does like to make girls scream (how will they know what to call out when they are screaming? #UnacceptableHashBehavior);
  • Just Caroline and Just Patti were two adorable virgins (not anymore – still adorable just not virgins) who where just not able to part with their amazing, fabulous, wonderful iPhones for even a hot second so they brought them on trail #NoTechOnTrail;
  • Hell’s Anal had two really large sized “ones” last week but this week she is taking normal sized ones #GuysThisisYourChance #SizeDoesntMatter #MotionintheOcean;
  • Miss Me Gag Me had the prettiest pussy on trail #Evidence?;
  • Zero Shart Thirty had brand spanking new shoes on trail (everyone noticed) but he was afraid to be violated (chicken) and went to the bar early so Osama Bin Hashing was kind enough to stand in for the kid and he graciously drank the sweet nectar out of his not at all new hash shoes #HasherRespect;
  • Lock Cock and Two Smoking Nostrils confessed to the scribe at beverage check (there are no secrets when you are chatting with the scribe darlin) that she has one frequently erect nipple and one usually unerect nipple. Weird, right? But she was in good company because Mr. hEd is nipple erection challenge (both nips) and yours truly has perpetually erect nipples. #OneofEach

Then the strippers on the boat stopped by so we sang Cumbaya (that’s hash for Kumbaya) all the way to Chadwicks. Sometimes that happens kids.

On-TheyHaveBoatsNow-On,

Glitty Clitty Gang Bang

EWH3 Scribe

 

 

EWH3 #550 – Grafitti Hash, Dupont Circle

Hares:  Monday Sticky Monday, Underground Railroad, Wax On Whacks Off, Tit-ka-boob

Brew Crew:  Clappy Birthday, Wank Like An Egyptian

Virgins:  Just: Pam, Jonathan, Kent, Tim, Danielle, and Josh

Visitors:  Daffy Dick (Killeen, TX H3), LOAF (Akron H3), Just Stefan (Singapore H3), Hoover Daaaaaaamn (formerly of WH4)

Analversaries:  69 hashes—Peace O’Chum, Presidential Nasty; 169—Kandy Panties

Ononon:  The Front Page

 

For the annual grafitti hash, the white t-shirt-clad pack met up in Dupont Circle and, armed with Sharpies, started writing all over each other.  There were all kinds of brilliant gems.  My favorite piece of grafitti seen on someone else was a naked, spread-eagled hermaphrodite on the back of Buttfuck Norris’ shirt.  Seriously, it had boobs and a cock.  My favorite piece of grafitti seen on me was, “You must be this tall [with a line drawn] to ride this ride.”  Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack started opening circle.  Now, I’m happy for Haystack, and I’mma let him finish, but Poop Weiner was the best GM of all time.  OF ALL TIME! 

 

We ran through the streets and alleys of the Dupont Circle area, and into Adams Morgan.  The pack must’ve arrived at the beer check at Marie Reed early:  We beat Plan B there and had to wait for our beer.  And wait.  And wait.  And write on each other some more while we waited.  Finally, it arrived, and we put our markers down and mugs up for some glorious, glorious beer.

 

After beer check, the pack headed south, along U Street and then into the gayest part of Dupont.  EWH3 being the gayest hash ever, we were all right at home.  Not long after that, we found the on-in, in an alley, and drank beer and wrote on each other some more.  Cock-a-Doodle-do-Me, guest starring as RA, found two very tall, very ripped Justs to serve as beer bitches, and called us all to circle up.  It all went normally, until, during the analversaries, Peace O’Chum took off her pants to put on her boxers and showed us all her bike shorts, emblazoned with a man’s junk.  It’s almost like there’s a running theme here, and it’s not grafitti.      

 

Violations:

  • Ring Toss Salad showed up at the hash with a creamy, white substance around his mouth.  He claims it was toothpaste, but we all know different.
  • Cum Dumpling shaved his scrotum and glued the hair from his balls to the top of his head.
  • Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Cock decided he wasn’t gay enough, so he went and got a miniature poodle puppy.
  • Fuck’s Up, Doc? worked on her masters’ degree in art on everyone’s shirts.
  • Buttfuck Norris had a very detailed drawing of Lady Gaga on the back of his shirt. 
  • Just Barnaby dressed up just like his daddy.
  • Red Eye Vagina and Two Lips in the Bush stayed away from the hash for years, but they both showed up to this one, just in time to have a love-fest with each other.
  • Just Victor did a double take when asked if anyone wants sausage.
  • Cock-a-Doodle-Do-Me pulled a Topher and paid the hash cash by check.
  • Duck Job showed up wearing a track suit last seen on the first season of The Sopranos.
  • Cum of a Preacher’s Hand and Ankles Away didn’t have sex on trail, for once.  They just held hands.  Cum of a Preacher’s Hand must be on the rag.
  • Ring Toss Salad left his sports bra at home.
  • An Inconvenient Poop lost her virgin.  Not her virginity, her virgin.  And she didn’t even properly deflower him!
  • Tit-Ka-Boob forgot to lay walkers’ trail up to beer check.  She had chalk, but didn’t know what to do with a long, thick stick in her hand.
  • Team Tastes Like Bad Decisions is running a 193-mile relay.  If that doesn’t taste like a bad decision, I don’t know what does.  And since whoever isn’t running at the time will be crowded into a van, it’ll smell like bad decisions too!
  • Silly Gay Virus tried to sing a song about “Johnny the Retard.”  Is that Donnie’s cousin?

 

Violations from the Crowd:

  • Peace O’Chum did her best Lady Gaga impression when she changed into her boxers. 
  • Tits for Tots can’t take it while running.
  • The Beer Bitches—Chicken Phucker just wanted to violate them, and he’s a heterosexual, married man!
  • Cockwork Orange  was complaining about white cream in her eye. 
  • Cum and Knock on My Back Door keeps hitting on Just Barnaby.
  • Twinkle, Twinkle Little Cock loaned Just Barnaby to Cum and Knock on My Back Door and is now $50 richer.  Poor Just Barnaby is a little sore.
  • Winn Dick-Me got indignant about roast beef.  There were a bunch of other food-related innuendos too.
  • Tits for Tots got dressed up an extra large condom that was ribbed for her pleasure.
  • Please Step Away from the Whores lost all the walkers.  Doesn’t he usually just auto-hash anyway?

 

After shotgunning a few beers, we had a NAMING!

Just Victor went to University of Massachusetts-Boston, majored in sociology, and now works for REI.  He tried to convince Hooooooal! to climb the climbing wall there when she went to buy shoes, just so he could look up her skirt.  The first time he had sex, his now-wife ripped his foreskin.  Apparently, he has a really long foreskin, which he’s used as a pickup line.  His mom once walked in on him while he was getting a blow job.  Just Victor has had sex on a balcony in Mexico on his honeymoon, and in a men’s room in Nantucket.  Someone walked in on that too, and the girl involved had to jump out a window.  Just Victor has also punched a girl.  Punching ladies, making them jump out windows—wow, this guy’s a real keeper!  Just Victor is originally from Colombia.  As in the Latin American country where they make cocaine, not Columbia, SC, where they make rednecks.  Finally, he dated his English teacher when he was 16.

 

Shitty naming suggestions were:

  • Merry Bris-mas
  • More to the Point
  • Circum-schism
  • Barely Covered Wagon
  • Say Hello to my Little Friend
  • Pop-Up Escobar
  • Here’s a Tip
  • Skin to Win
  • The First Fuck is the Bleedest
  • Stall Tactic
  • Turtleneck Section
  • Former Skin
  • Inglorious Ass Turd

and

  • Cutting Class

 

The pack was struggling, but ultimately, once the teacher story was told, there was no question.  Henceforth and forevermore, throughout the world of hashing (except Great Falls—fuck them!), Just Victor will be known as Cutting Class. 

 

We finished the beer from Plan B, went to the on-on-on, and tried to get laid. 

 

Besos,

Tits for Tots

EWH3 Scribe

Hares:  Cute Lesbian In Training, Tar Squeal, Red Vag of Courage, Sphincter Shy, Gaystation, Pittsburgh Kneeler, Fluffer No Butther

Brew Crew:  Fucks Up Doc?, Buttfuck Norris

Virgins: Justs Kristen, William, Andrew, Philip, Scott , Tamara, Christa, Allison, Natalie, Marie, Emily, Luis, Ashton, Erica, David, David, Jenny, Anicero, Carla, Laura, Rebecca, Mike, Elizabeth, Winnie, Dan, Trish, Ben

Visitors:  Party Mouth (Guantanamo Bay), Swinger (Atlanta), Explodes on Impact (Memphis)

Ononon:  Larry’s Lounge

 The pack of black-clad dominatrixes and submissives met up in Dupont Circle for the S&M hash, a couple hours before another pack of black-clad Iran election protesters were slated to meet up in the same place, confusing tourons and passers-by alike.  We ran through the neighborhood to a shot check, and by shots, I mean Dixie Cups of boxed wine.  Classy!  Thus refreshed, the pack headed into Rock Creek Park, whips cracking along the way.  We forded Rock Creek at a particularly deep point; a few of the shortest harriers and harriettes may have had to swim, and then up the steepest, slipperiest hill in DC.  Damn, those hares really are sadistic.  We dried off by running through Georgetown and into the gayest beer check ever, right at P Street Beach.

 We interrupt this hash trash for a quick PSA (as in Public Service Announcement, not Please Step Away from the Whores):  Corsets chafe when you run several miles in them.  Use lube, er, I mean, Body Glide, generously.  The runners traced a circuitous route through Dupont Circle into Adams Morgan, while the walkers made a detour for Rita’s Frozen Ice, but we all eventually ended up at the On-In by Marie Reed.  There were kickballers playing nearby, so we could blame all the noise and general obnoxiousness on them.  After all, they’re the ones looking like idiots in their matching t-shirts.

 Violations:

  • Cock-A-Doodle-Do-Me broke Cock Your Suck I Will’s nose a couple weeks ago, so Cock Your Suck I Will got revenge by locking Cocky up in her S&M dungeon and having her way with her.
  • An Inconvenient Poop tossed out half of her beer at beer check. That’s alcohol abuse!
  • Twinkle, Twinkle Little Cock took the money his roommates gave him for the cable bill and used it to buy a plane ticket—and not even to go hike the Appalachian Trail, I mean, get some Argentinian tail.
  • Ring Toss Salad sold some of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Cock’s video games to pay the cable bill, but didn’t make enough of a profit margin to buy any porn.
  • Silly Gay Virus got kicked out of a strip club for requesting a Backstreet Boys song.  If he wanted it that way, he should’ve gone out in the gayborhood instead.
  • Cock Your Suck I Will pushed another hasher to the ground to get to the front of the pack, without setting up a safety word first.
  • Manipple Lickter tried to play crossing guard but directed the pack into oncoming traffic, also without setting up a safety word first.
  • Just Ben and Shetland Blow Me had sex in a port-a-potty on trail.  I thought that was Pork-A-Potty’s job.
  • Just Rory confused Tits for Tots with I Suck Dead People, which led the pack to confuse Just Rory with Helen Keller.
  • Just Winnie brought a camelback of vodka and cranberry juice to her virgin hash—that’s not just acceptable but commendable hash behavior.
  • Fluffer No Butther tried to order a Long Island iced tea at Rita’s.  For the record, Rita’s is an Italian ice joint that does not have a liquor license.
  • Big Bend Over was looking for the first aid kit because his nipples were chafed, and he wasn’t even wearing a corset.
  • Cum and Knock on my Back Door is going to be teaching special education at a middle school in Southeast.  As if the parents in that part of town didn’t have enough to worry about, now they’ll really need to lock up their sons.
  • The hares had a scouting fail; they put the beer check right by a public pool that was open.  It’s almost like they wanted someone to end up in handcuffs.
  • Explodes on Impact was whining on trail even when no one was whipping him. 
  • Big Bend Over thought this was the Outdoorsman’s Weekly hash rather than the S&M hash; he brought a fishing pole instead of a riding crop.
  • KP promised a long time ago to drill a hole in Cocktuplets, but he hasn’t yet.  Don’t keep a girl waiting!
  • Ring Toss Salad was responsible for the big wet spot on the periphery of end circle.

 Violations from the Crowd:

  • Fluffher No Butther went off the trail he was haring to pay a visit to his girlfriend, Rita.  He’s pussywhipped, and she’s frigid.
  • Cum Dumpling ran smack into a building on trail, because he needed to hurt just a little more.
  • Put It Out killed Michael Jackson so that he could be the oldest pedophile around.  I’ve got you in my sights, PIO.  You’d better sleep with one eye open.
  • Gaystation lost his wingman when Michael Jackson died.  He should blame PIO. 
  • Cradle to the Dreidel couldn’t decide which way she swings, so she jumped into a bush full of pricks to get the best of both worlds.
  • Party Mouth came all the way up from Guantanamo Bay and didn’t even waterboard anyone on trail.
  • Shamrock Your Cock:  George W. Bush is no longer president, so it’s ok to pronounce “nuclear” properly again.  It’s not “nucular.”
  • Cum Dumpling and Saskatchewsnatch forgot to tell Bow Chick-a-Bow-Bow to bring his fist-shaped dildo. 
  • Cock Your Suck I Will had to get plastic surgery to get rid of the damage from Cocky’s love bite.

 Then we had a NAMING!…. sort of.

Just Nick attended the Naval Academy and is now a pilot with the Marines, so in other words, he gets paid to play with a stick that is attached to a weapon.  He flies harriers but claims to prefer to ride harriettes, despite having a Tom Cruise poster in his bedroom.  Just Nick studied history and likes goats and prefers to shag them doggy style.  He claims to have passed out in a model.  Model what?  I don’t know.  Just Nick’s favorite hobby is skydiving, but he’s never jumped tandem because he doesn’t like to have a guy behind him.  Even if it were Tom Cruise?  Finally, some kids once saw him giving a blow job in a parking lot.  Oh, wait, was that supposed to be getting a blow job?  My bad.  I bet Tom Cruise was somehow involved.

 Despite this wealth of information, the pack didn’t come up with much of anything good, so we threw Just Nick back.  Remember it for next time.

 We proceeded to the on-on-on, drank cheap beer, and hit on gay guys.

 Spankings and whippings,

Tits for Tots

EWH3 Scribe