Tag Archive for: hash trash

When: May 7, 2015

Where: Brookland/CUA (Red line)

Hares: Pinocchi-Ho, Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack, Poophole’s Mountain Majesty, Wookin’ Pa Nub, Areola 51

Virgins: Evan, Hadley, Lauren, Matt, Panos

Visitors: Gay Bait, Just Susan

On After: Steele Plate

Weather: Seasonal in the low-70s (finally).

Did this week’s trail cross with start more than once in recognition of Catholic University’s environs? Either way, some hash commandments were definitely broken:

  • Thou Shall Be Called Out for Fantasizing about Religious Fanfic — Whoregon Trail and Aunt Vagina’s Maple Syrup are the co-authors of the Mean Girl-inspired, “On Wednesdays We Wear Wimple”
  • Thou Shall Be Called Out for Being Over Prepared — Just Susan advised her virgin to bring enough water to end the California drought
  • Thou Shall Be Called Out for Racist Attire — Just Trevor is a mudder tougher
  • Thou Shall Be Called Out for Sex on Trail — that includes video chats, Around The World in 80 Lays
  • Thou Shall Be Called Out for Trying to Pass for a College Student — Gladiator was just trying to recapture his frat life glory days
  • Thou Shall Be Called Out for Acceptable Hash Behavior — Honey Nut Queerios thought the nuns in their habits were fellow hashers
  • Thou Shall Be Called Out for Being a Human Alarm System — if you ever hear Quantum Whizics chirping like a bird, she is also peeing

We also wanted to know if Just Alex broke any commandments. Turns out that he suffers from whiskey dick when really drunk, or when in vicinity of Republicans. But that doesn’t mean he didn’t try (to get) really hard, same goes for some PCP-laced pot. This determined eagerness is fitting for a musical theater junkie with fond memories of hooking up with teenagers at camp. That is why he now holds the name, Diddle Her On The Roofie.

If I Were a Rich Scribe,

~ Mambo # Hives

When: April 30, 2015

Where: Foggy Bottom (Silver/Blue/Orange lines)

Hares: Wreath Around, Sorest Rump, Jew-Cock-A, Tuck Tuck Deuce, Red White & Poo, YOCO

On After: Mr. Smith’s (neé Chadwick’s)

If April showers bring May flowers then what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims, of course. The haven of circles and checks had enough people to to start our own settlement this week.

Our Virgins — who included Justs Adam, Amanda, Brian, Caroline, Chelsey, Chrissy, Christina, Dan, Eli, Elise, Emma, Eric, Ian, Krista, Selina and more — were welcomed in the town square upon their arrival. Our Visitors — Cocktroller, Country Fried Semen, Limp Lips and others — avoided the stocks and pillory through some thoughtful exhibition.

But your town crier still has some news to share:

  • Stain Gretzky described, in shock and awe, her first anal sex experience: “He just slipped it in.”
  • Turn the Meat Around kept true to his disco-inspired name and dressed for a coke fueled night at Studio 54.
  • True Bromance wandered away with a pitcher at beer check proving as selfish at the hash as in bed.
  • VD showed us he was the world’s only troll that would actually let someone pass under the bridge.
  • Special Red took some time to audition for his circus tight rope act on trail, or he may just be a human-sized red squirrel.
  • And, keeping true to some of the night’s theme, your Steelers Nation hashers had to tell the Patriots fans on trail a hard truth.

Finally, hear ye hear ye, the village of Everyday is Wednesday, has an important announcement. This week was a very special occasion for Just Matt of Maryland, a business development ninja who suffers from sexual amnesia yet can recall getting arrested in a lot of other countries. Getting high (as in altitude) provides him some thrills, and the other high just makes him chill. “All right, all right, all right,” as his man crush would say. The circle made McConauga-hey a front runner, ditto to Blazed & Abused and Clark Can’t. But the villagers voted with loud applause, hoots and hollers to welcome You’re in Grande Trouble to our experiment in communal drinking.

Marking my territory,

~ Mambo # Hives

When: January 29, 2015 (otherwise known as Oprah’s birthday)

Where: Braddock Road (Blue / Yellow lines)

Weather: a late-January evening in D.C. (exactly what you expect it to be)

Hares: In-Your-End-Ohhh, Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack, Return to Sender’s Wife, Infidelatio, Baylor the dog and Just Elissa

Virgins: Just Megs (and sweatered puppy)

Visitors: no one likes us

On On: TJ Stones

It was a dark and cold and icy night, but we successfully wandered through the streets and alleys and pathways of Old Town Alexandria. We met near a van down by the river, sang some songs and violated one another:

Bumspringa for rocking with his crocheted cock out in a school parking lot; apparently this is what kids are making in home ec class these days.

Return to Sender’s Wife for hosting a walkers’ shot check also in a school parking lot.

The Hares for, while recognizing the collective hash love for sparkly dresses and tight pants, the ice on trail was better meant for last week’s U.S. Figure Skating championships.

Saved by Molson for his eagerness on trail by solving both the just and tit checks. We are all awesome but no need to show off.

RPI, Whoregon Trail and Just Megs for shop talk on trail.

General Farm’s Animal for not realizing his old bones could serve as chalk on trail.

Jew-Cock-A for his confusion over angina and vagina, unless he was actually referring to Russian pop star, Angina.

We all said we were happy and our cold selves went off to find a warmer location to fill our bellies with beer.

Scribally yours,

Mambo # Hives

EWH3# 852: The Choose Your Own Adventure/RDR Pre-Lube Trail!- 6:45 PM Thursday, October 9th,  Deanwood Metro (Ballbuster- Orange Line) and Eastern Market Metro (Regular- Orange/Blue/Silver Line)

 

When:  BALLBUSTER: Thursday October 2nd, 2014.  Meet at 5:30, Pack away at 6PM SHARP!

REGULAR: Thursday, October 9th, 2014.  Meet at 6:45, pack away at 7:15!

WhereBALLBUSTER: Deanwood Metro (Orange Line)-follow marks to start!
               REGULAR: Eastern Market (Orange/Blue/Silver Line)- follow marks to the start!

Hares: BALLBUSTER: St. Pauli’s Girl, Whisky Business, Big Bang, Blows a Tranny and RPI
                REGULAR: Sphincter Shy. Whoregon Trail, Red Vag of Courage, Six Pigs and mystery hares.

Weather: PERFECT. I guess the RAs are good for something!

Miscellaneous Crap: SO. MANY. PEOPLE.

On On On: Phase 1!

Virgins: Just Mij, Just Nik, Just Nicole, Just John, Just Pablo, Just Melissa, Just Lauren, Just Kelsie, Just Brendan, Just MJ

Visitors: 5 O’Twat Shadow (Tidewater H3), Chew Toy (Voodoo H3), Cock Ness Monster (Voodoo H3), Deer Near (SOH4/Utica BTN H3), Dickie Wong (Voodoo H3), Dirty Virgin (Cape Fear/Carolina Trash H3), Duck Duck Oops (Skull and Boners H3), Extra Virgin Anal Oil (JustMaddy H3), F.A.R.T. (NYCH3/GGFM), Free 2 Lay (H5), Hand 2 Hand Cumbat (Hariettes for Healthy Hooters/DCRW), I Am What I Eat (Heidelberg H3), Imagine My Erection (Voodoo H3), Motherload (Crescent Shiggy/Voodoo H3), One Trick Dick (Utica BTN H3/SOH4), Penis Colada (NOH3), Penis Fly Trap (Skull and Boners H3), PhWedgie (H5), Slam Bam Thank You Lamb (Voodoo H3), Starship InHerThighs (CKH3), Stinkfinger (Oregon H3), Texticle Teaser (Voodoo H3), Wet Spots (Oregon H3), Straight In the Navy, Barefoot Youngdung (ABQH3), High Speed Cock Bumper (Tidewater H3), Pom Pilot (SOH4), Anatomically Incorrect Ken (Alamogordo H3), Wieners Out (Madison H3), Vanilla Is a Flavor Too (Carolina Trash), Ooh That Smell (Carolina Trash), And They’re Off… On My Face (Carolina Trash), Drunk Neighbor (Tidewater H3), Gag ‘Em Style (CUNT)

 

See? I told you there were a f%=k ton of people. Circle was so noisy, I lost my voice for a week. Blows a Tranny has never been happier. 

Oh yeah, and we had some VIOLATIONS!!!!!!

 

Before trail began, All Flash No Drive gave me some words of wisdom. She said, and I quote, “all you gotta do is hang in there, make it short and make it naughty!” Excellent advice, AFND!

(Isn’t this the weirdest gif? I mean, is she naughty Pinocchio? Adding that to my “Halloween costumes to consider” list…)

You Sucked My Battle Dick was heard comparing her vagina to a Ferris wheel. Because there’s lots of riders, but she still takes you to new heights every time!

(Boys be like “no way am I waiting in line, it’s my turn next!”)

Jew Cock A lived up to his namesake when he was approached by little kids who immediately pointed at him and screamed, “wow he’s hairy!” 

As Christina Aguilera once said, “you’re beautiful, no matter what they say.” So you do you, Jew Cock A. You do you.

Muppet Rapies came into beer check late because, quote, “I got lost in a bush and couldn’t find my way out!” In my mind she looked something like this:

Uncle Bad Touch was asking for jewelry and a wig for red dress because his dress “just doesn’t have enough flair.” The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, UBT. 

Mouth Full of Clam confused chlorophyll with chloroform. Yikes.
And finally… the NAMING!!!!
 Just Lucy is a neuroscientist, went to Oxford, and wants to have sex with Speedy Gonzales. She swiped her V card at 17 on a boat (with T-Pain, naturally), and then her parents walked in! She pooped and peed her pants at 7000 feet before jumping out of an airplane to escape from a man she had just copulated with. Rife with interesting stories, the names were thrown around pretty early for Just Lucy. The crowd favorites were The British are Cumming, Rip Whored, Parapooper, and God Save the Peeing. The crowd voted, and henceforth and forevermore, Just Lucy will be known as God Save the Peeing!
On- just thinking about red dress weekend makes me nauseous- on,Mr. hEd

EWH3 #830: The Beware the Ides of May- Hashzilla Returns Trail!

When: Thursday May 15, 2014

Where: Van Ness-UDC Metro (Red Line).

Hares: MissMeGagMe, PutItOut, VirginQueen, JustCarl, and some mystery walker hare!

Miscellaneous Crap: Shiggy and stairs about sums it up.

Weather: hot and then wet (whattttt)

On on on: Guapos!

 

Virgins: Just Imani, Just Travis, Just Stephanie, Just Lauren F, Just Paul, Just Britt, Just Alex, Just Melissa, Just Tamara, and Just Lauren H.

VisitorsChief Ramalamadingdong, Stuttgart  and….

 

Violations!!!!!!!!!!!

-Uno, Dos, Tres, LIFTOFF!, our esteemed jubilee, was complaining that she can’t seem to give away her goods. It’s like high school all over again.

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-Little Thunder Clap bought a motorcycle. We didn’t think it was possible, but apparently he can be EVEN douchier. LTC… tumblr_mr6rj8rVbu1ranhnao1_500

 

-Just Alex said that he didn’t need to learn the markings because “he’s moving out of DC and therefore won’t be hashing.” Because hashing only exists in DC. They’re so cute when they’re young and dumb.

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-Dr. Toolittle claims that the air conditioner in her house is broken. Really it’s just early onset menopause. At least she puts the hot in hot flash!

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-Put it Out is taking applications for his next cabana boy. Interested parties should don a banana hammock and show up at his house between 6-9pm Saturday evening.
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-Just Daniel was violated from having new shoes. He must have stolen them.

(get it? it’s because he’s black)


-Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock defied the Law of Triathletes by going a full 24 hours without updating us all about his Tri training. There is hope!


-Glitty Clitty Gang Bang was overheard saying, “once I swallowed a whole ball.” I don’t think you’re doing it right.

 

-Carmen San DiegHo was overheard saying on trail “you just go down and a little to the left.” You tell ’em, girl.

 

-Whiskey Business was overheard saying that he was resisting the urge to “defoul himself with hot dogs.” In my mind, when WB got home from trail, his evening looked something like this:


-A Salt My Ass gave me a massive wedgie. Honey, there are way more fun ways to play with my ass, I’m just sayin.


-Twinkle was also violated for running up to the the people grilling in the forest, who were specifically offering their meat to the harriettes. Apparently, ou can take the man out of the gay bar, but you can’t take the gay bar out of the man.


-The hares were violated for misspelling déjà vue. If you’re gonna try and be smart, just don’t.


-In-Your-End-O got so drunk last week, she walked up to someone at the bar and started getting friendly. Turns out, she was groping a muggle. Whoops…. In you go, In-Your-End-O!

 

-Last but not least, Twinkle was overheard complaining that “no one gets [his] Mariah Carey references.” Did I mention that he used to work at a gay bar? In you go, Twinkle.

 

A naming did not occur, because trail was long, justs had vacated the circle, and it started pouring. On to Guapo’s we went, for massive margaritas and Messican food. Until next time, wankers.

-Mr. hEd

When: Thursday, April 17, 2014

Where: Anacostia Metro (Green Line)

Hares: A Red River Runs Through It, Motor Mouth, Semen on the Pew

Miscellaneous Crap: Live A to A’ trail

Weather: Pretty crappy!

On On On: The Big Chair

 

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

 

-Mr. hEd

EWH3# 802: The Anything You Can Lay, We Can Lay Better Trail! 6:45 PM Thursday, December 5, 2013 – Columbia Heights Metro

  • When: 6:45 PM Thursday December 5, 2013.
  • Harriettes: Whorescope, Miss Me Gag Me, Blow White, Just Amy, and Just Pam
Last week our hares brought us through the wilds of CoHi, proving that, once again, ladies just do it better. The all-female gang bang (wait, where was Glitty Clitty?) took the virginity of 16 us, making us all very glad that Hell’s Anal provided plenty of lube. Our de-flowered have now been respectively renamed Just Emile, Just Peter, Just Matthew, Just Nick (x2), Just Roger, Just Cliff, Just Dean, Just Morgane, Just Brendan, Just Adam, Just Megan, Just David, Just Tania, Just Deborah, Just Ellie, and Just Sam, and if I remember correctly, they were all EXTREMELY single. So, buy them a beer next week and leer at them all creepy-like!

Some of the stupid things you did on trail, includes, but is not limited to…

UNOBTAINIUM broke his arm after falling down on his bike while masturbating. Leave the multitasking to the women, Unobtainium!

I WILL PEE IN YOU was violated for pouring out a full beer before trail began. Alcohol abuse is the worst abuse and is punishable by spankings. I recommend S&MOM, he’s quite good.

PEE WEE’S LITTLE ADVENTURE was impressed by how clean the backwoods of Columbia Heights are. When you live in Ape Mansion, apparently being homeless is preferable.

GLITTY CLITTY GANG BANG tried to pet a pussy on trail and was rejected. Sorry GCGB, I guess sometimes they really do bite.

FRANK LLOYD BITE was caught on trail saying “I’m half way to becoming a dinosaur!” Sorry lady, but the hash doesn’t have enough room for two Syphilasaurus, and currently Whizz Bizz holds that title. Although I hear it’s just a pissing contest (get it?! GET IT?!)

DADS, on trail, declared quite smugly, “I’m getting a degree in sticking big things in tiny places.” Sorry dude, but I don’t think they give out grad degrees for sleeping with UNO.

RPI was violated for scaring a group of young African American children. Apparently having a big bald white guy run at you very quickly with one-hundred of his closest friends following behind is worth declaring “OMG SO MANY WHITE PEOPLE! WHY?!?!”

….and all of these shenanigans led us right to the crux of the evening… a solemn occasion… a naming!

Just Amy hails from Merrilynd, graduated from Virginia Tech, and works as a biostatistician. She once had sex in an elevator and was caught by her friend’s grandmother, pooped her pants a few weeks ago in Whiskey’s car, and was once given a citation for peeing in public. Amidst all of the drunken stories told, three stood out: Just Amy once threw up in her hair and dyed it pink, she was her female best friend’s first kiss, and she got so drunk at the halloween trail that she stole a pumpkin from a church and carried it home. Names were suggested, but among the best were Pinky and the Stain, Gwen Stuff On Me, Cocktogenarian, and the Gourd, the Bad, and the Slutty. The hash voted/drunkenly mumbled, and Just Amy will hence forth and forevermore in the world of hashing (except Great Falls!) be known as THE GOURD, THE BAD, AND THE SLUTTY. And the hash went home, got a piece, and The Gourd, The Bad, and The Slutty, went home, stole a church’s Christmas wreath, and woke up in a puddle of someone else’s urine. What a beautiful life!

On-Hugs and Kisses and Vomit-Stained Hair-On,

Mr. hEd

EWH3 Stunt Scribe

EWH3# 787: The Fourth Anal ABC Hash – Take it all off!!

When: 6:45 PM Thursday September 5th, 2013.
Where: Metro Center (Red/Orange/Blue Line).  Follow marks to the start!
HaresTwinkle Twinkle Little Cock; Roll Over, Bitch; Big Bendover; 1 if by Man, 2 if by She; Lock, Cock, and Two Smoking Nostrils; mystery walkers hare.

It was a hot sticky late summer day in DC. The wankers and wankettes circled up at Metro center to size up each other’s savvy ABC costumes. There was real fruit (get those grapes while you can ladies), beer boxes abounded, there were plenty of trusty aprons and trash bags to be seen, and some creative types even weaved their costumes out of ribbon.

We made a circle (not a square), met our virgins Justs: Rawleston, Kirsten, Lisa, Nicole, Tara, Ximon, Elissa, Ashley, and Sandra and sized up the junk of our visitors: Spuds and Texas Blow Hole.

We sang a song about Joe and were off to delight (so many people wearing Birthday decorations) and horrify (wait is that guy wearing Kyng condoms) the muggles of Metro DC while we followed the inconsistent markings of trail.

We ran until we found a shot, and then we found another shot, and then we found another shot and then we found the…… (wait for it) Beverage Check (huzzah)! We hung out in the pungent alley for a long time but we weren’t thirsty so who’s complaining! We waved goodbye to our walkers but wait they’re back again. Silly walkers – you have already been to this alley.  We waved goodbye to our walkers again and eventually the runners were off to continue the mission and it wouldn’t be ABC without one more shot check (thanks hares).

Eventually we ended up in an even smellier alley for ending circle. We met our favorite rapey van for more beverages thanks to Blow White and Rape & Spillage (you guys are all kinds of awesome). And our always fabulous Daisy Chain (check out those sexy coffee filters) wrangled the masses for End Circle. We said hello to our virgins again (are they still virgins at this point?) and waved to our visitors again (who were really into singing us songs – BOO). Then we got to my favorite part – violations:

  • A commendation for Pulp Friction and Just Alan for wearing no undergarments under their very thin ABC costumes.
  • Seasoned hashers Cum Dumpling, Red Vag of Courage, Whoroscope, Whiskey Business, and Bless Me Father for I have Rimmed all decided they were too cool for an ABC costumes. Silly wankers the pack wants to see you kids without your knickers on!
  • Dial F, Just Simon, Kindergarten Cock, Carmen Sandiegho all like it in the kitchen – thanks for being up front about it.
  • Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, despite popular opinion, is not the Burger King of the hash.
  • Red, White and Poo (who is working on getting better at swallowing) complained that The Hares made beer check too long…. Um that’s not really a thing.
  • Planet of the Rapes and Just Andrew showed up to hash with biohazard bags over their junk. It seemed like they were just in theme with the hash but really their doctor requires them to wear those bags out in public. Bed at your own risk!
  • Cum Dumpling was wearing the same sweater he wears every week. Yes, you are very furry but that doesn’t count as a bear costume.
  • The Hares wore their medieval madness costumes to trail.
  • Virgin Just Lawrence (who doesn’t appear to have signed in or paid…who brought this virgin?) got “banana” juice all over his leg. Creative.

And the pack got rowdier. The crowd was itchin’ to get to the On-After but we had a very important occasion first – A NAMING. Just Kent is from the exotic Arlington, Virginia, works in real estate development, went to Virginia Tech and majored in finance (life of the party this guy). Just Kent once went out with a “consultant” who was really a young mother who worked at Hooters. He has lied about love to several ladies (this one is a keeper) and lost his special fruit (cherry) to an au pair named Cindy. The pack had a few ideas: The Fanny Nanny, Guten Slog Away, and Oh Tandem Balls. However, henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing (except those guys) Just Kent will be known as Wiener Shitzel.

Everyonebody was happy and we were on on on on to Recessions.

On-DoesAnyoneNeedSomeCondoms-On,

EWH3 Scribe

Glitty Clitty Gang Bang

PS. Seriously I have lots of condoms and will give them to you for free.

PPS. I also have lube.

PPPS. Did I mention they are free?

PPPPS. I have both condom sizes (white and black) available.

PPPPPS. They are not expired – promise.

 

Wetness is a good thing #786

Where: Courthouse

When: August 29, 2013 – 6:45 pm 

Hares: Daisy Chain, A-Salt My Ass, Zero Shart Thirty, Big Head Little Cock and Aunt Vagina’s Maple Syrup

We circled up in the wild paved streets of Virginia ready for our big wet hash. We had virgins a plenty Justs: Audrey, Parker, Jess, Mike, Kate, Albert, Liz    x2, Katie, Geoff, Susannah, Colette, Natalie, Erin    x2, Dan, James, and Alison. We had some shy visitors: Freeze Frame, Jewgar, and Chupa Mi Coneho. Where were you guys when we called for you at circle. Seriously you all didn’t fall off the hashing truck yesterday – you owe us some body parts! 

The pack sang a song about Joe and was off to search for checks in the shape of circle and those elusive hash marks. We ran, had a beverage check in a creek, ran through a wet tunnel, and eventually found our way to a dark corner of Virginia for end circle and beverage drinkage.

Thank you Red Vag of Courage and Yeast Infection for taking the night off for the pack – we appreciate you. Cock-a-Doodle-Do Me was the lovely religious advisor for the evening. We met our virgins again (almost devirginized). The lovely Bless Me Father for I have Rimmed did her Jubilee thing. Then we got to violations:

  • Virgin Just Jeff wore a Color Run shirt to hash and of course we violated him for being racist. We also violated him for being racist.
  • Zero Shart Thirty was finally violated for his new shoes. A-Salt My Ass you know better than that!
  • Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock got in some extra tri-training by practicing his swimming during beer check. Wait should that have been a racist violation?
  • The lovely hare, Daisy Chain is a favorite of all donkeys. I hear donkey shows are the thing to do down in Mexico!
  • Mr. hEd waited until after trail to show everyone her pussy (pants). Meow!
  • The lovely GMs DADs and C-Damage led the walkers 1 mile off trail.
  • A-Salt My Ass didn’t know one of his fellow hares names (seriously).

After some violations from the crowd came a very special occasion – A NAMING. The lucky Just was Just Pedro. He went to the College of New Jersey, would like to have sex with Marge Simpson and once banged a 40 year old woman (high five Pedro). Just Pedro lost his virginity in the Ukraine; had sex in a Puerto Rican rain forest; but he also has a problem with ladies that get too wet downstairs (serious – you knew the theme of the trail when you showed up). The pack had some good ideas: Poison Arrow Load, Jungle Beaver, Putin the Butt, Old Faithful, and Party in the West Pussy. However, henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing (except those guys) Just Pedro will be known as Viagra Falls! Buy your hash Mommy, Daisy Chain, a drink next week.

Everyone was happy and we hopped and skipped our way to Four Courts for the On-After.

On-TheTrailWasntThatWet-On,

Glitty Clitty Gang Bang

EWH3 Scribe

EWH3 #784 – We like what you do with your tongue trail 

When: August 15, 2013 – 6:45 pm

Where: Hipster Circle aka Dupont

Hares: Blow White, Miss Me Gag Me, ShimJob, and Steve (yes folks that is his hash name)

It was a lovely late summer August evening in DC. We circled up among the families picnicking (cover your ears kids), the kool kids blasting pop music and a classy harp player. I Manual Cunt starting his evening off right by picking up an old lady in a mobility scooter. Is there such a thing as too old to be a cougar? Also Tongue Punch my Fart Box doused his head in glitter because we all know glitter is so much better than Rogaine for Men. Welcome to Dupont circle. Have you met the hashers?

Our gorgeous GM C-Damage corralled us into a circle (not a square) so we could meet our dates….. eh I mean virgins Justs: Sarah; Kevin; Ben; Graham; Arif; Jon; Sam; Amy; Caroline; Patti; Loren; Victor; and Andrew. We had no visitors (tear) but I Manual Cunt was visiting from California (yay). Next we sang a song about our friend Joe who works in a button factory and we were off. We ran north through the slums of AdMo (stabbing at the Reef – seriously?) and into the wilderness of Rock Creek Park. There was a wet and juicy Eagle Trail and a short and dry Turkey Trail (like your Mom) and we climbed a big rock. We had a beverage check (thanks Shamrock and Premature Ejaculation), ran some more, and ended up next to our favorite G-Town boat rental establishment (hint he might be a necrapheliac) . 

Our freshly wedded RA, Cock-a-Doodle-Do-Me, (Congrats) was the end circle master of ceremonies. Beverages were drunk; “song” were sung; and we got to (my favorite)…. violations (those not already mentioned):

  • Mr. hEd told a tale of woe about how at Beer Mile she had a lot of trouble drinking her beer. She just couldn’t swallow fast enough but then she thought of a penis and it went down much much easier. #ItUsuallyDoes
  • The Hares had way too many tit checks on trail (wait is this a thing?);
  • Assmaster 2000 brought two virgins to trail but failed to tell them his hash name #HasherFail. But he does like to make girls scream (how will they know what to call out when they are screaming? #UnacceptableHashBehavior);
  • Just Caroline and Just Patti were two adorable virgins (not anymore – still adorable just not virgins) who where just not able to part with their amazing, fabulous, wonderful iPhones for even a hot second so they brought them on trail #NoTechOnTrail;
  • Hell’s Anal had two really large sized “ones” last week but this week she is taking normal sized ones #GuysThisisYourChance #SizeDoesntMatter #MotionintheOcean;
  • Miss Me Gag Me had the prettiest pussy on trail #Evidence?;
  • Zero Shart Thirty had brand spanking new shoes on trail (everyone noticed) but he was afraid to be violated (chicken) and went to the bar early so Osama Bin Hashing was kind enough to stand in for the kid and he graciously drank the sweet nectar out of his not at all new hash shoes #HasherRespect;
  • Lock Cock and Two Smoking Nostrils confessed to the scribe at beverage check (there are no secrets when you are chatting with the scribe darlin) that she has one frequently erect nipple and one usually unerect nipple. Weird, right? But she was in good company because Mr. hEd is nipple erection challenge (both nips) and yours truly has perpetually erect nipples. #OneofEach

Then the strippers on the boat stopped by so we sang Cumbaya (that’s hash for Kumbaya) all the way to Chadwicks. Sometimes that happens kids.

On-TheyHaveBoatsNow-On,

Glitty Clitty Gang Bang

EWH3 Scribe