Tag Archive for: hash trash

EWH3 #782 – Adventures in Virginia

Where: Courthouse Metro

When: August 1, 2013

Hares Just Chase, Gaza Snip, Just Matt, Lock Cock, Deposit Slip
The pack circled up on a paved part of Virginia to meet our lovely virgins who joined us for the evening Justs: Lauren, Ashish, Barton, Randy, David, Tanya, Thomas, Josh, and John. We also were lucky enough to have a few visitors: S&M Man, Blowing in the Dark, Bad Sex, Freeze Frame, and Bolohead. Then Just Chase tentatively sung a song about Joe who worked in a Button Factory and the pack was off. Midrun through the hash the pack met up with our favorite creepy van Plan B for a beverage break. Thank you DADS and UNO! If the van is a rockin’ don’t come a knockin’.
The pack continued their adventure thorough the hills and dales of Virginia land only to meet up at a gorgeous historic parking garage with our favorite van (say it with me kids) Plan B again. Beverages were had and our lovely and talented RA Daisy Chain was our circle mistress for the night. The virgins were reintroduced and our visitors…. the illustrious visitors all earned their way out of our circle our favorite way (ooohhh yeah). Then we had violations: 
  • Virgin Just Cody ran the hash in flip flops (at least they weren’t new).
  • St. Paulie’s Girl yelled at the pack for short cutting the trail. He accused the pack of breaking one of the “19” rules of hashing. We are so sorry that SPG had to give up FRB status for two minutes – we are all *very* sad for you.
  • Virgin Hare Just Chase didn’t know the words of the, “Hi My Name is Joe,” song (tsk, tsk).
  • Mr. hEd won the first place flashing award for the hash and when she came up to claim her prize she flashed again (huzzah). Although she was worried her nipples were not hard enough – what do you all think……hard enough?
  • A commendation to Pinnocchi-HO for putting down extra t*t checks on trail.
  • The Hares are color blind…. strangely for the first mile the “red flour” was white. White Flour! Oh yeah we caught the hares too (it is called speed work kids).
  • Yule Log and Miss Me Gag Me were violated for sex on trail. We know you kids had to share a van with a bunch of sweaty runners but clean up after your selves next time. 😉
  • Daisy Chain was recreating some of the shenanigans of Campout by doing cartwheels on trail (and falling on bum). Remember what happens at Campout stays at Campout!
  • Just Dave in the green shorts was trying to win the hash – slow down boy – have a beverage.
  • Our lovely Fire Drill doesn’t like it when folks blow in her ear (I’m giving tips now).
  • Just Nick was uncomfortable with how much was deposited (back there). Don’t you just hate it when you get wet on all fours?
After some violations from the crowd and some new shoes (sorry sweetheart but if you are going to be hasher you have to be willing to get dirty) – we had a NAMING.
We brought our hare, Just Chase, into the circle and put him on his knees (just the way we like him). Just Chase is from Mechanicsville, VA; went to Virginia Tech; Majored in Chemical Engineering; and is a consultant. He knows the flaws in the rhythm method; once had sex in a Carnegie bathroom; has a thing for waxing; and is so pneumatic that he once flipped a mattress and the bedframe damaged the wall.  The pack has some good ideas: Sexponential Growth, Knock Knock Poke; and Aphrodisiac Wax. However, henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing (except those guys) Just Chase will be known as 3 Wax and I’m Done. 
Then everyone was happy and we danced and skipped to the On On On: First Down Sports Bar & Grill.
On-WhereDidIPutMyGlitter-On,
Glitty Clitty Gang Bang
EWH3 Scribe

EWH3# 776: The Midsummer Night’s Hash Trail! (Tour duh hash) 

When: June 20 – 6:45 PM Thursday June 20, 2013. Pack away at 715 pm on the dot (thanks Cum Dumpling)
Where: Francis Scott Key Park
Sexy HaresFireDrill, HellsAnal, JewBaca, PlanetOfTheRapes, PutItOut, StickyRice & TonguePunchMyFartBox
The fairies, woodland creatures, and people in glitter circled up in Francis Scott Key Park spilling into the pristine streets of Georgetown. Plan B got filled to her brim and the late cummers had to carry their bags and sign in later. Cum Dumpling corralled the half minds; dirty t-shirts were passed out; a million virgins and new to EWH3 Justs were introduced: (Jeremy, Katherine x2, Anna, Andrea x2, Kim, Lauren, Kirsten, Jeff x2, Elijah, Christina, Margaret, Catherine, Stacy, Alison, Allison, Ashley, Veronica, Gina, Anthony, Ben, Tim, Brian, Nichole, Laura, Joan, Bakari, Jared and Robb); a song about Joe was sung (hi Joe); and the pack left on time (weird right?).
The hares laid a fun trail over hill and dale. They used their magic wands to hide the giant 200 + pack in plain sight during two beer checks and a lovely shot check (for the half of the pack that didn’t zen to the end). Wax On Whacks Off saved the late cummers from having to carry their bags the entire way by stashing extra bags in his vehicle – thanks WoWo!
Uno, Dos, Tres, Liftoff and Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack were the beer heros for the night and the Master’s of Plan B. You all poured a record breaking amount of beverage that night and we appreciate you all!
The pack was rowdy but WoWo, Daisy Chain, Whiskey Business and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Cock were the rag tag tumble team of RAs that evening. Some of the violations of the night included:
  • Virgin Just Andrea not only wore a race shirt to trail (racist) she also wore new shoes. Too bad you could run away before we could find you. Come back with your new shoes so we can violation you again (and again).
  • 1001 Arabian Dykes won the Frogger award that evening for almost getting run over by a car.
  • Planet of the Rapes dressed as an angel for trail. Try as he might he cannot escape his name (Rape anyone?).
  • Cum on my Buddy made it back from Turkey safely (hurrah) but did violate himself by telling a story about projectile vomiting in the bathtub (gross).
  • Cum Dumpling went down on Mr. hEd’s baby hedgehog. You should wait until it is of age!
  • Choke and Gag Her showed off his love scratches he received from Ear Muffs on trail (acceptable hash behavior).
  • The lovely hare, Hell’s Anal, didn’t think that anyone would want to see her ass. Seriously, what was she drinking?!!?
  • Dr. Toolittle looked suspiciously guilty as the trail was described as short, flat and dry.
  • Wank Like An Egyptian was offering sex in exchange for a place to crash (acceptable hash behavior).
Then we got to a very special occasion – a naming! The pack was sufficiently sloshed by this point so we were gearing up for a fun one. Just Sam loves doggie style; the little Mermaid (who doesn’t), went to Ohio state, and is a chemical engineer. Just Sam once gave a blowjob while her boyfriend was blackout drunk…. and the problem was he woke up and came all over (the problem is???). Just Sam really likes it in the family as she experienced oral sex for the first time with her Daddy (apparently dad is a heavy sleeper) in the room and once got caught masturbating by her sister (tsk, tsk). The pack really zeroed in on the family action and had some good naming ideas: All in the Family, Daddy’s Little Oral, Family Shatters, and Breaking Daddy Even. Just Sam then shared an epic sh*t story. In high school when she ran cross country she once sh*t her pants on a muddy trail. She threw her messy underpants over a hill and tried to claim it was all mud. But when Mom picked her up she had none of it and hosed her down before allowing her in the house. The brought up several more fun naming options: It Gets the Hose Again, Mamas and Poopas, Sh*t Fockers, and Pompoo. However at this point the pack was too drunk for logic and went back to the engineering angle so henceforth and forevermore Just Sam will be known as Lithium? I Barium Knowium.
Everyone was happy the pack fluttered off to the Tombs.
On-YouHaveGlitterWhere-On,
Glitty Clitty Gang Bang
EWH3 Scribe

Hash Trash: EWH3# 775: The Bueller?  Bueller? Trail!

When: June 13, 2013.

Where: King Street-Old Town

HaresPinocchi-Ho, I’m Tho Thor, Pulp Friction, Mr. hEd, RG3some, and Rape & Spillage

There was a call for an epic, epic storm. Only the strong brave hashers who didn’t get washed away in the Anacostia made it out to trail tonight. The clouds threatened and the thunder… eh we never heard any thunder… actually it was a pretty nice weather. So if you skipped to trail to wait out the storm you missed a fun trail – suckas!

A handful of virgins (who didn’t know any better) made it out to trail. We were happy to have Justs: Nick, Jenna. Elise, Harrison and Emily with us to scare away the Derecho. Tomb Raper and Cock Chaser were visiting. Well hello there… I think you all are old-timers from EWH3 history. 🙂 And Pardon my Penis was a transplant – welcome! Also there was the unveiling of a new mark – the fishhook – more fun for the FRBs!!!

We sang about Joe and went out searching for hash marks. And a searching we did (Bueller? Bueller?) – most of the time was spent trying to distinguish between orange spray paint marks and orange flour marks – very suspect you tricky hares you! RG3some was a stubborn sweeper hare  who refusing to rescue the pack unless consequences were dire. The trail was confusing; we got lost but there were yummy shot checks; we ran through a creepy graveyard (RIP good souls); and we had a beer check (well most of us did – we are not sure what Haystack was doing).

We circled up a stone throw away from Old Town and eventually got to Violations:

  • Justs Kent, Jenna, Emily and Catherine all were wearing NEW SHOES on trail! Seriously did you all want to drink out of your shoes.? No new shoes on trail silly Justs!
  • Aunt Vagina is extra excited about all you can eat crabs (eww);
  • Hot Buns was wearing a racist shirt;
  • Daisy Chain forget her morning bourbon and wore her shorts inside out on trail (maybe they were inside out for another reason);
  • Empire Strikes Black called Hungry/Humpty Homo *Homo* while walking out of a bar bathroom (yeah there were other guys inside and it was awkward);
  • The Hares for making Roll Over Bitch wish he was on the metro train that caught first (and he would have subsequently missed trail);
  • Rape & Spillage for putting a hash mark on his crotch (is it that hard to find – really?);
  • Pinocchio wanted to fire two of his fellow hares mid trail;
  • Silver Spooge and Raiders of the Lost Box cuddled after their sex on trail (sex acceptable – cuddling not so much);
  • Cocktologist for demonstrated her swallowing skills by swallowing a bug on trail (there are better ways to demonstrate – trust me); and
  • Hungry/Humpty Homo tried to knock out Red, White and Poo to take her home with him (there are better ways to get her home – repeat after me…tequila shots, tequila shots, tequila shots).

Then we came to a very special occasion A NAMING. We tried to name Just Liz before but it didn’t work out… second time is the charm I guess. To remind you all…. Just Liz went to Northeastern and works in Real estate Development. She once got a fat lip from her boyfriend’s hip and everyone thought she had a different kind of sore. She used to give boring BJs because she didn’t know how to use her hands. She has never had a threesome but once her friends were arrested. Someone brought up midget porn but I don’t think that was Just Liz related. We had some fun names for Just Liz: Simple Gifts, Lock Box, and Cum Guzzling Gutter Slut. However, henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing (except those guys) Just Liz will be known as Loose Hips Bruise Lips.

Everyone was happy we survived the *storm* and we frolicked all the way to Rock It Grill where there were many libations, epic karaoke and a handful of dance-offs. Also I got in trouble for violating the one person per chair rule.

On-I’mNotAfraidOftheBigBadStorm-On,

Glitty Clitty Gang Bang 

EWH3 Scribe

Hash Trash – The “I Just Blue Myself” Trail

When: Thursday May 23, 2013.

Where: King Street Metro

HaresMr. hEd as Lindsay Bluth Funke, Blows a Tranny as George-Michael Bluth, Virgin Queen as Buster Bluth, Tend Her Loins as Maeby Funke, Sexorcist as Lucille Bluth, Little Thunder Clap as Gob Bluth

We trekked our way down to Virginia to look for money in the Banana Stand! Our virgins were Justs: Randy, Rachel, Emily, Hannah, Eryn, Lindsay, Kevin, Will and Sahil. The question is did any of them get laid? Maeby! Tuna Jerky was our visitor – Did Buster meet him at Army?

The pack ran through the sticky humidity and wetlands. There were checks and tricks (eh illusions) on trail. There was an Eagle (no dead dove) and a Turkey (why wasn’t it a chicken) trail option and we didn’t even have to send a GM out on a Segway to rescue lost hashers (winning). Most importantly there was a Beer Check (aka dinner).

We circled up in a sticky back parking lot to teach the pack a lesson (but the one armed man was no where to be seen and the hot cops had a gig). Eventually we got around to violations:

  • Wank Like An Egyptian – For moving to LA. We are sad to miss out on all the crazy sh*t you are going to do in LA next year. Also you better let us caress your fabulous new brea*t implants when you get back;
  • Whore Crimes – for dressing like he was in the movie Magic Mike (or maybe he was just a pirate actor);
  • Little Thunder Clap – for being an Anal Rapist. At opening circle he had Slimer spooge on his shirt;
  • Wowo – for bringing a birth control PSA to trail (seriously congratulations);
  • I Manuel Cunt – for being too obvious about his pimping professions (I mean look at his hat);
  • Dial F – for gangsta peeing (one ass cheek to the wind);
  • Tragic Carpet Ride – for running on trail;
  • The Hares – for trying to kill us for crossing up back and forth and back and forth a giant freeway (there wasn’t a wild seal after us or anything – geez);
  • Cutting Class – for wearing the longest jorts possible (I think those might be called pants);
  • Cocktologist – broke her leg during rough sex by being pounded too hard against the wall (acceptable hash behavior); and
  • Mr. hEd – for putting on more clothes after hash (unacceptable hash behavior).

Then we had a very special occasion (and no it did not involved an ice cream sandwich or Afternoon Delight) A NAMING. Just Anthony went to UVA and studied Economics and Spanish and now is an IT consultant. His worst blow job involved receiving road head where he could not finish due to nerves (was there a giant rock in the car with you?). However, Just Anthony was not too nervous to have car sex in his manual Nissan Sentra (while driving the vehicle) on several occasions in high school and sometimes he was drunk (this guy seriously just found hashing). For those of you following along at home – she rode him! Also he once got suspended for using romp.com – a choose your own sexual escapade game. We had some excellent naming options for Just Anthony: Driver’s Head, Vehicular Spermacide; Watch Out for Hop Ons; Dick Shift; and Whore on the Floor. Henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing Just Anthony will be known as Skeet Car Named Desire.   

Everyone was happy and the pack headed to the on-after to bathe in tequila and melted cheese (yum) at Dos Amigos!

I’m sure someone made a huge mistake this week but there will always be another hash as long as you are not too chicken (dance) to come back

On-AndThatisWhyYouAlwaysLeaveANote-On,

Glitty Clitty Gang Bang

EWH3 Scribe

When: May 2, 2013

Where: Pentagon City Metro

Awesome Hares: Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack, Please Step Away from the Whores, Don’t Ask Don’t Smell, Uno Dos tres LIFTOFF, Kandy Panties and maybe some mystery hares busy 69ing each other…

EWH3 turned 769 this week, and this drunken entity is not the only thing celebrating a birthday – cheers to Haystack’s, PSA’s, Mr. hEd’s, Uno, Trim Shady, Tend Her Loins, and a metric sh*t ton of others’ hashy Birthdays!

Trail #769 had a ton of Virgins on trail Justs: Josh, Jeff, Eric, Zack, Rachel, Ashley, Mark and Jacob were kind enough to join us. Transplant G.I. Hoe: Real American Zero is joining us for realsies – welcome and Dos Hixxies was visiting from Kansas – Howdy.

It was a hot sticky night for hashing. We made a circle (circles are round); Sang about Joe; and were off to enjoy the trail. Haystack and his merry gang of hares were kind enough to provide the pack with shots SEVEN SHOTS on trail. He worked hard to make as many 69s happen at the end of the night (cum-on it is almost funny).

The pack was rowdy…eh drunk and we had Violations:

  • Tragic Carpet Ride showed up in my dreams (now that is scary);
  • Haystack marked trail with his own piss (just cause it is your Birthday doesn’t mean you can forgo the use of flour);
  • Whiskey Business and his manorexic diet (too many calories in the shots);
  • Dr. Toolittle for frightening the uncut dogs (let them live the dream for a bit);
  • Pebbles 4 Pussy threw dingleberries at Grinding Nemo;
  • Red, White and Poo is excited for the new Washington Monument condom (bigger is not always better sweetheart);
  • Mr. hEd for stealing Joseph’s Technicolor dream coat and wearing it to hash;
  • Just Greg for being afraid to lose his virginity;
  • Twinkle Twinkle little Cock wants to pound all the black men underneath the 14th Street Bridge;
  • Osama Bin Hashing for showing up to hash not-nekkid; and
  • You Sucked My Battle Dick got lost on trail and she had a map (silly hare).

Then for those of few hashers that were still sober we had a very very special occasion – A NAMING. Just Karen is a tax attorney, went to Wellsley and Yale for law school, and once had sex with a Muslim (and the parents walked in – awkward). Speaking of getting caught Just Karen was once caught masturbating by a neighbor and thinks Sheldon Cooper and Edward Norton are hot. There were some good naming options: Panty-less in Seattle; Princess of Hersia; Panty Poppins; and Star Cock Radio. However the pack settled on…… henceforth and forever more throughout the world of hashing (except those guys) Just Karen will be known as Infadellatio.

Everybody was happy and we headed off to Freddie’s Beach Bar to karaoke like champs and outlandish the landish.

On-myheadisstillfuzzy-On,

Glitty Clitty Gang Bang
EWH3 Scribe

Hash Trash – Mad Lib Style: EWH3# 768: The This is Why We Don’t Have Nice Things Trail

When: April 25, 2013-

Where: Georgia Ave/Petworth

Actual Hares: Cock Soup, Whiskey Business, Fart of Darkness, Multiple Mystery Hares

***Stunt MM: A special thank you to You Sucked My Battledick for Hash Cashing and 6 Pigs in a Blanket for scribing.***

So…. I wasn’t actually at this trail so you all are getting a MAD LIBS HASH TRASH (you’re welcome).

Directions: Fill-out the Mad Libs key of words below before reading the hash story (below). Then fill in your words in the appropriate place for maximum hilariousness.

Mad Libs Key:

1. LOCATION IN DC:

2. NAME OF HASHER:

3. ADJECTIVE:

4. NAME OF HASHER:

5. VECHICLE:

6. WILD ANIMAL:

7. FRIGID NON-HASHER:

8. OLD DUDE WHO LIKES TO DRINK:

9. NAME OF TENATIVE COWORKER:

10. A CORRUPT CITY COUNCIL MAN:

11. ANNOYING POP STAR:

12. SEXY PORN STAR:

13. POLITICIAN:

14. ADJECTIVE:

15. BODY PART:

16. ANNOYING POP SONG:

17. NAME OF HASHER:

18. NAME OF HASHER:

19. NOUN:

20. NAME OF HASHER:

21. NOUN:

22. BODY OF WATER:

23. VERB:

24. BODY OF WATER:

25. TYPE OF LIQUID:

26. BEVERAGE:

27. SAME LIQUID AS #25:

28. FEMALE BODY PART:

29. FEMALE HASHERS:

30. ADJECTIVE:

31. ADJECTIVE:

32. ADJECTIVE:

33. BEVERAGE PURAL:

34. BREW CREW MEMBER:

35. BREW CREW MEMBER:

36. SILLY SONG:

37. ANNOYING SONG:

38. MOST TERRIBLE SONG EVER:

39. TYPE OF VECHILE PLURAL:

40. SEXY PORN STAR – SAME AS #12:

41. BODY PART:

42. POLITICAN – SAME AS #13:

43. BODY PART:

44. NAME OF HASHER:

45. NAME OF HASHER:

46. VERB ending in ING:

47. VERB ending in ING:

48. NAME OF VIRGIN:

49. NAME OF HASHER:

50. NAME OF HASHER:

51. NAME OF VIRGIN:

52. ADJECTIVE:

53. SAME VIRGIN as #51:

54. LIQUID:

55. NAME OF HASHER:

56. PURAL NOUN:

57. ADJECTIVE:

58. VERB:

59: ADJECTIVE:

60: VERB:

61: NAME OF JUST WITH 5-25 RUNS:

62: SCHOOL:

63: DISNEY CHARACTER:

64: ADJECTIVE:

65: NUMBER:

66: SAME JUST as #61:

67: ODD LOCATION:

68: ANIMAL:

69: SAME JUST as #61, #66:

70: VERB ENDING IN ING:

71: BODY PART:

72: ADVERB:

73: ADJECTIVE:

74: ANIMAL:

75: ADJECTIVE:

76: NONSENSE WORD:

77: NAUGHTY WORD:

78: EXCLAIMATION:

79: EMOTION:

80: HASHER:

81: HASHER:

82: HASHER:

83: HASHER:

84: HASHER:

85: FEMALE HASHER:

86: MALE HASHER:

87: ADJECTIVE:

88: FUNNY WORD:

 

The Pack Circled up at (1-LOCATION IN DC). (2-NAME OF HASHER) was wearing (3-ADJECTIVE) booty shorts and (4-NAME OF HASHER) was already blackout. The (5-VEHICLE) was stuck in traffic and the pack was restless. A (6-WILD ANIMAL) ran across opening circle. There were so many virgins Justs: (7-NAME OF FRIGID NON-HASHER, 8-NAME OF OLD NON-HASHER DUDE THAT LIKES TO DRINK, 9-NAME A TENATIVE COWORKER, 10-A CORRUPT CITY COUNCIL MAN, and an 11-ANNOYING POP STAR).

We had two visitors (12-NAME OF SEXY PORN STAR) and (13-POLITICIAN). I hope we get to see her/his (14-ADJECTIVE) (15-BODY PART) later and not hear (16-ANNOYING POP SONG) sung.

(17-NAME OF HASHER) had to be put in a cab before trail because the pregame was just too much for him/her.

The pack was off! The Hares laid a Sh*tty trail. (18-NAME OF HASHER) was almost hit by a (19-NOUN); and (20-NAME OF HASHER) was almost hit by a (21-NOUN). Along the way the pack leaped over a (22-BODY OF WATER) and (23-VERB) the (24-BODY OF WATER). There was a surprise shot of (25-LIQUID) and a bonus (26-BEVERAGE). A few lucky few got to do body shots of (27-SAME LIQUID) off of (28-FEMALE BODY PART) of (29-NAME OF FEMALE HASHER).

And finally the (30-ADJECTIVE), (31-ADJECTIVE) and (32-ADJECTIVE) trail was over. The (33-BEVERAGE PLURAL) were poured by (34-NAME OF BREW CREW MEMBER) and (35-NAME OF BREW CREW MEMBER) and the pack circled up to sing (36-SILLY SONG), (37-ANNOYING SONG), and (38-MOST TERRIBLE SONG EVER). Several times that pack made a hole for (39-TYPE OF VECHICLE PLURAL).

Visitors: (40-NAME OF SEXY PORN STAR) showed us her/his (41-BODY PART) and (42-POLITICIAN) showed us his (43-BODY PART).

Violations:

  • (44-NAME OF HASHER) and (45-NAME OF HASHER) had (46-VERB “ing”) on trail.
  • Cock Soup was violated for (47-VERB ENDING IN ING) Whiskey Business on trail.
  • (48-NAME OF VIRGIN) ran out into traffic only narrowly avoiding certain death.
  • (49-NAME OF HASHER, 50-NAME OF HASHER), and St. Pauli’s Girl were violated for being racist (SPG you know better).
  • (51-NAME OF VIRGIN) was violated for wearing (52-ADJECTIVE) shoes on trail. Both (53-SAME VIRGIN) and Tongue Punch My Fart Box (who brought her/him) had to drink (54-TYPE OF LIQUID) out of his/her shoes.
  • (55-NAME OF HASHER) was violated for leaving his (56-PURAL NOUN) in Plan B.
  • The Hares were violated for (57-ADJECTIVE) (58-VERB) and (59-ADJECTIVE) (60-VERB).

And then there was a very special occasion – a naming. (61-NAME OF JUST WITH 5-25 RUNS) went to (62-SCHOOL), loves (63-DISNEY CHARACTER), (64-ADJECTIVE) blow jobs, and lost her/his virginity when he/she was (65-NUMBER). (66-SAME JUST) once had sex in a (67-ODD LOCATION) in front of a/an (68-ANIMAL) and (69-SAME JUST) secretly loves (70-VERB ENDING IN ING) with his/her (71-BODY PART) (72-ADVERB). We had a lot of good name options (73-ADJECTIVE) Box Muncher, (74-ANIMAL) F*cker, and (75-ADJECTIVE)(76-NONSENSE WORD). The pack finally settled on (77-NAUGHTY WORD)(78-EXCLAMATION) Monster.

Everyone was (79-EMOTION) and the pack was off to the WONDERLAND BALLROOM. (80-NAME OF HASHER) got laid. (81-NAME OF HASHER), (82-NAME OF HASHER) and (83-NAME OF HASHER) almost had a threesome. (84-NAME OF HASHER) tore a hamstring while doing the funky chicken and (85-NAME OF FEMALE HASHER) drank (86-NAME OF MALE HASHER) under the table.

ON-(87-ADJECTIVE)(88-FUNNY WORD)-On,

Glitty Clitty Gang Bang

EWH3 Scribe

PS. If you need any help with this Mad Libs call me because I am *REALLY GOOD* at Mad Libs!

Where: Foggy Bottom Metro
When: April 18, 2013

Our masked crusaders (aka super hero hares): Lock, Cock, and 2 smoking nostrils; St. Pauli’s girl; Just Munty; RG3some; and Just Leslie.

Whiz, Bam, Pow – The sun was shining for opening circle near GW’s campus. The half brains assembled. Virgins, we had virgins everywhere. Justs: Becky, Andrew, Leah, Meghan, Andres, Jeff, Madison, Gypsy, Robert, Hawley, Dan, Iris, and Renana were in attendance. Special props to the virgin who showed up in a shiny Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costume! We like you – cum back!

Songs were sung and we did our fancy dancy warm-up while singing about Joe and the pack was off. Most were running but a few walkers were out in force (like your trusty scribe).

This was my second time on walker’s trail and I learned an important lesson: it is not a good idea to make your own shot checks by popping into bars and adding extra shot checks to trail…. And when you walk by a beverage store it is probably not a good idea to go in and buy your own alcohol to make additional drinks!

From what I remember end circle was in a creepy alley. My scribe notes say the evening violations were as follows:

Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock announced that he is jealous that  Daisy Chain’s is bigger (tent envy is real my friends).
• The Hares-zig zagged us all over the city (Is that a real violation? Don’t they do that every week? Oh well have to trust the scribe notes).
Just Leslie limited the walkers’ from having too many shots because she wanted to, “save some for the real hashers.” So.Not.Cool.
Cock Soup walked!
St. Pauli’s Girl wore his knee pads to trail.
Pulp Friction tried to take on a car.
There is a Clap For That complained that everyone was trying to get his seed (Why was he complaining?).
Tragic Carpet Ride tried to convince two virgins that there is a bathroom in Plan B.
MeNoEngrish brought her giant flask to trail BUT it only had water in it for her dog (#hasherfail).
Ass Ogre & Deathly Swallows had Hashy Birthdays.
Mad Dog and Premature Ejaculation had sex on trail (acceptable hash behavior?).

*These violations may or may not have been part of circle. They were in my scribe notebook so… unless it has been compromised at least some of them were probably the circle violations.

Then we had a very special occasion A NAMING! Just Leslie was our victim… eh I mean honoree for the night. She went to a college that starts with an S; had sex with a teacher; loves the Little Mermaid (who doesn’t); and lost her virginity in college (although it was boring). She loved her Barbie dream house and grew up to be good at swallowing, has sketchy feet, had a threesome at WIE and she once had sex with a one legged man. We had some good names for Just Leslie: One Foot Skank, Amputease, and Stump Thumper. However, henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing Just Leslie will be known as Hurricane Cuntrina.

And everybody was happy and hopped and skipped to the land of McFadden’s.

I ended up at Amsterdam Falafel.

It was a good night!

On-ThingsAreMoreFunWithCapes-On,

Glitty Clitty Gang Bang
EWH3 Scribe

Where: Ocean City, Maryland

There was sand, beach, trails, bars, beverages, pong, a giant blow up banana, Seacrets and so much more!

First, a very special thank you to all of the hard work that went into making WIE weekend awesome.

Our outstanding WIE Committee: Haystack, St. Paulie’s Girl, Snatch Shot, Mr. hEd, Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, Bless Me Father for I Have Rimmed, DADS, Whiskey Business and Colliteral Damage.

#357, Friday Hares: I’m Tho Thor, She Has Small Hands,  and Bobbin for Butt Plugs
#358, Saturday Hares: Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, Mr. hEd, Wreath Around, and Cock Soup
#359, Saturday Night Hares: St. Paulie’s Girl, WoWo, and Snatch Shot
Sunday: Ha!

A Special thank you to the Brilliant WIE Founders: Wax On Whacks Off (WoWo), Big Bang, and Assflac

Most of what happens at WIE stays at WIE except for a few of the lowlights.

We were lucky enough to have ONE very special virgin on trail Just Deanna was brave enough to put up with us for three crazy days. Thank you Tongue Punch My Fart Box for bringing her and I bet she wasn’t a virgin by the end of the weekend.

Our lone visitor was Uncle Bad Touch from the Ben Franklin Mob, who was insane enough to join in the WIE fun.

There were many trails and much Shenanigans, and a 3 hour long bonfire circle led by the RA tagteam: Whiskey Business, Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, and WoWo. So without further ado your violations for the weekend were (in no particular order):

  • Colliteral Damage was violated for thinking that DADS would be the sober enough to deal with Flash violations.
  • DADS was violated for using a power cord as a bondage restraint (acceptable hash behavior?)
  • Big Bang was violated for making a hole in Carmen Sandiegho’s jeans with his wood on trail!
  • Dial F was violated for his pretty hair but he was buried in the sand so RG3some was kind enough to step in as a stunt Dial F.
  • Benadrill Me was violated for giving herself a chest massage and masterbating on trail (also acceptable hash behavior).
  • Cum On My Buddy and Huevos Snatcheros were violated for their lack of creativity when trying to get laid. When they first got to WIE they promptly locked themselves out of their room hoping to spend the night with a lovely harriette. Hint: alcohol works better!
  • Wank Like An Egyptian was violated for advertising himself as the “Champagne of Men” complete with a sticker on his head (which head?).
  • Tragic Carpet Ride was violated for touting the anti-aging properties of semen. This piece of wisdom came from a Nip/Tuck episode and we all know how everything we learn on tv is true.
  • The Friday night hares: I’m Tho Thor, She Has Small Hands, and Bobbin for Butt Plugs were violated for hiding the shot check so well it was a Seacret!
  • Going Gay with Person A thought that Saturday night at WIE was a good time to write a paper on, “Preparedness.” Yeah, right….. studying at WIE???
  • St. Pauli’s Girl was violated for whoring himself out for BJs (wait, aren’t those free?)
  • Kindergarten Cock was violated for wearing a shirt to circle (we can’t hear you with your shirt on!).  And Carmen Sandiegho was violated for threatening to rip off a shirtless KC’s star shaped pasties he was wearing the previous evening. Legs Over Easy was also violated for wearing matching star pasties.
  • Asia Minor was violated for leaving Aunt Vagina’s Maple Syrup’s room but using the wrong door and proceeding to fall from a height of three stories. For his trouble Asia Minor won a trip to the hospital and 14 stitches (insert applause)!
  • Cum on My Buddy went home with the blow up banana even though he couldn’t find the hole.
  • Colliteral Damage and Aunt Vagina were violated for failing to respond to their hash names or their muggle names. However, when SLUTS was yelled they both turned around promptly (Insert Snatch Shot’s awesome t-shirt here).
  • Tragic Carpet Ride drank a half gallon of milk on walkers trail Saturday morning to help calm his stomach. Tragic defending this tactic by claiming that milk is, “creamy and hydrating.” Yes Tragic your Milk Shake does bring all the boys to the yard (oh, yeah).
  • Yule Log convinced people to do crazy stuff on trail then ran off in the other direction so he wouldn’t have to do it.
  • Snatch Shot was violated for failing to get all the hash SLUTs special shirts during her mid-trail shopping trip.
  • Humpty Humpty Homo wore short shiny shorts to circle. We violated him for morphing himself into Digital Underground. From here on out let’s all call him Sparkle Pants!
  • Pulp Friction was violated for Kung-Foo-Fighting.

Select violations from the Crowd:

  • Yule Log was violated for breaking his Rear End Loader award promptly after receiving it (if you don’t know what that is come to WIE next year). Humpty Humpty Homo (aka Sparkle Pants) was violated for building said award (use more duck tape next time).
  • Tragic Carpet Ride was violated for wearing a very creepy bank robbing/child molesting mask; rubbing a woman’s “sternum;” and his Teddy Bear gloves.
  • Uncle Bad Touch was violated for his “allergy to alcohol.” Seriously if you drink enough of anything you become “allergic” to it  (right Cock Soup?).
  • Osama Bin Hashing lived up to his name by jumping out of the bushes frightening Snatch Shot on trail.
  • The Hares were violated for choosing a beer check bar with fans above the bar. This made dancing on the bar a very dangerous activity for the Harrietts (no beheading our hot ladies!).

A few select folks got the very special honor of being named at WIE.

Our first victim was Just Matthew, a Cornell grad, who (we learned VERY quickly) LOVES Joe Kelly like there is no tomorrow. Seriously Joe, check for webcams outside your apartment! Just Matthew had a fun liaison with a sex columnist, had a long and involved teabagging conversation with an elderly female elected official (she was his boss!), and has spent more than his fair share of time in emergency rooms dealing with bloody diarrhea. Just Matthew also plays a mean game of strip-beer-bong, streaks in his boxers (what are you hiding?), and enjoyed pooping in a bag at Preparation O’s house. There were some excellent naming options: WIE Willy Stinky, Pookaki, Kung-Poo-Fighting, and My Father Shart in Heaven. However the hash just couldn’t get the image of bloody diarrhea out of their heads so henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing (except those guys – F them) Just Matthew will be known as Crammer v. Crammer.

The next naming was very, very special. Just Patricia, the very noble and kind WIE hotel host, was invited to kneel in our circle (of trust). She moved to Ocean City when she was 18 and has lived here for 30 years now; has reached the ripe old age of 25; and has been running our host hotel for 13 years. This woman is a SAINT! Just Patricia has a special thing in her “heart” for men named Jim, as we learned that the first four guys she slept with were all named “Jim.” Just Patricia’s favorite Disney movie is Up and her favorite regular movie is What About Bob. We had some fun naming ideas for Just Patricia: 3 Jims Don’t Make a Right; Snatch Into a Slim Jim, and Putting on the Slitz. Given all she has seen running the hotel, henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing (except those guys – F them) Just Patricia will be known as Boardwalk Madame.

Our next naming victim was Just Kimberly or Mrs. Cutting Class. Just Kimberly is a graduate of Harvard and Columbia; grew up in Puerto Rico; and met Mr. Cutting Class at a Harvard party (are you required to wear a coat and tie to those?). She loves the missionary position and her worst hangover involved a lot of beer and champagne (doesn’t everyone’s).  Just Kimberly once had to jump out 10 feet out of a public restroom on Nantucket Beach after getting caught in the throes of passion.  We had some good proposed names for Just Kimberly: Como Si Dice Cock?; Les’ Side Story; Harvard Slam Poon; Hang 10; and Ivy League Drop Out. We just couldn’t get the quality education out of our heads (which head) so henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing (except those guys – F them) Just Kimberly shall be known as Good Will Cunting.

***Then next something very unexpected happened….. ah, excuse me while I turn my scribe pen over to a Stunt Scribe S&Mom:

And then it was time for a very special, and quite rare, occasion:  A RE-naming!
Excuse Me, Is That Your Bag? told us so many good stories when she was originally named, but she ended up with a name that was a bit clunky.  Although, watching her walk up to a Just and introduce herself, only to have the Just look down at his backpack and say “Yes, that’s my bag”, never gets old. EMITYB ripped off her shirt, grabbed a vessel full of whisky, and settled in to wow the crowd with her tales of debauchery.  After reminding us of her fondness for orgies and f*cking on the Metro, EMITYB regaled us with stories of black cocks.  Some that belonged to others, some that she was wearing. We also found out, to no one’s surprise, that a nurse had recently discovered glitter deep down in EMITYB’s ear.  The circle could only assume that her OBGYN was going to make a similar discovery.

The circle came up with a lot of really good name suggestions such as Double Penn & Station; Whore Prize; and Defense of the Dark Arse, but finally decided to go with Tragic who, in light of EMITYB’s love of group sex and having glitter all over her naughty parts, gave us Glitty Clitty Gang Bang.

***Okay turning the scribe pen back over now…. back to your regularly scheduled scribe:

Marshmallows were roasted, songs were sung and everybody was happy. Then more WIE Shenanigans were had and Seacrets were made.

Thank you again to all the folks who make the weekend awesome. Cheers to an absolute blast at the beach!!!

On-WIEEEEEEE-On,

Glitty Clitty Gang Bang
EWH3 Scribe