Brew Crew: Brokeback Mama and Blow White (thanks kids)
It was a hot sticky day of awesomeness in DC. Plan B was a hundred miles away but luckily opening circle started late so the hashers could still pack their bags (and some even had time for fro-yo (way better than yolo bitches)). We kicked the bums out of McPherson Square so we could meet our VIRGINS for the evening Justs: Lindsey, Jonny, Jonathan, Dayna, Cassandra, Chris, John, Kyle, Kyle (Not a typo – there really was two), and Victoria.
It kept raining (or was god crying) on the pack and we ended in a sweaty, car filled alley in DC (make a whole (again!!!)). Beverages were poured, orange food was consumed, and circle began. The lovely Ms. Daisy Chain was RA for the evening and many important hash stuff ensued (show us a body part)! Eventually we came to violations:
- Miss Me Gag Me continues to get older (oh the Shame) – seriously happy hashy Birthday;
- C-Damage stole the patron animal saint of pub crawl, Elphie the Elephant. Seriously her trunk isn’t that big (but she does know how to use it);
- Lock Cock complained about getting wet on trail – seriously getting wet is pretty awesome – right ladies?;
- Just Justine doesn’t know how to handle a ball sack (at least 3 hashers told me this one… it is not funny but I bow to popular demand);
- Yule Log (when one hare drinks….) was wearing his kitten shirt – unfortunately it was not the pussy magnet he was counting on – meow;
- Planet of the Rapes attempted to get head on trail by telling a harriette that a snake bit his p*nis and he needed someone (her) to suck out the poison. This was either the worst or best pick up line ever;
- The Hares – for throwing a wet t-shirt hash without telling the pack to wear white t-shirts;
- Fire Drill – forgot to take off her eye makeup after her drag show before making her way to a wet hash;
- Hungry Humpty Homo (aka H^3) backed into a pole first time by accident;
- Rape and Spillage had claw marks all over his back but doesn’t know how he got them (rrrright… we believe that);
- The Hares for finding a beer check location that smells worse than a wet dog and hashers combined; and
- PIO was having chest pains from looking at all the bare naked man boys (sexy).
Then we got to that very special occasion – A NAMING. Just Justin works for one of those big banks, went to the U of Maryland in Baltimore and studied Financial Economics. He is also into chess, has had a toothy bj (who hasn’t), and likes banging married chicks. Just Justin also likes it in the kitchen (who doesn’t) and he once cut his penis with his own fingernail mid-coitus…. eh – weird right? The masses had some good naming ideas: Rapper Cut, Not Hung but Swung, and Let My People Blow. However, henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing (except those guys) Just Justin will be known as, Deposit Slip.
Then we had another very special occasion (is it really as special when we have two?). Just Nicole is from the Netherlands, the Rednecks of Holland, but moved to the US six years ago. She is going to school for mental health counseling, likes to mock man parts and make the boys cry, and once made a man run away from her after laughing at his speedy delivery. All of her experiences with lady bjs have been bad and there was not much good to report on the vanilla intercourse front either. The pack was ready to go with the naming ideas: Tulips 2 Fast, Dickade of Therapy, Semen Freud, and Psychological Whorefare. However, the pack decided on Issues and Tissues.
***Special congrats to Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock for becoming a hash daddy twice in one night. You might want to use some of the thousands of condoms Hell’s Anal procured for the hash.***