Tag Archive for: Jorts


EWH3 #835: The 6th Annual Jorts Association of Arlington Trail!


When: Thursday June 19, 2014

Where: Pentagon City Metro (Blue/Yellow Line)

Hares: Whiskey Business, Just Julia, Just Holly, P.E. Cummings, Just Jon, AND THE WHOLE GANG!

Miscellaneous Crap: So much chafing. And ass. So. Much. Ass.

Weather: Humid, like swimming in the air.

 On on on: Freddie’s Beach Bar! What we thought we looked like:

What we actually looked like:


Virgins: We had some. Too bad none of them made it home alive….


Visitors: We had some. Too bad none of them made it home alive….


Now for the real reason you’re here….


Right in the middle of trail, Vaginal Countdown flopped down, on her back, spread her legs and exclaimed “man down!” Worth noting: that is not an exclamation but a command.



Virgin Queen was spotted on trail wearing a pair of jorts I lent him over two years ago. When I said I wanted him in my pants that is not what I meant.

Little Thunder Clap has been stress eating a lot lately. Apparently when he stepped on his scale last night it just said “over.” There go those free drinks at Freddie’s…

(LTC at McDonald’s after trail)

R,O,B! decided not to wear jorts to trail. Apparently he didn’t want to get his good clothes dirty.

(R,O,B! at Freddie’s after trail)

Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock was violated for exclaiming (while running by Costco) that his package is “economy size.” Save it for Freddie’s!

(Twinkle at Freddie’s after trail)

In The Gravy lived up to his hash name when he sharted on trail. And then proceeded to get spit on in circle during “Old McHasher.” Dude…

A violation/commendation for Just Tom: while I was waiting for beer, I heard him exclaim, “oh my god, that’s the second person that has squirted on me tonight!” Now that’s a good night!


Pubris was seen shaking her vagina to quote “air it out.” Uh….

Twinkle was bragging on Facebook about the fact that he ate Jamaican beef patties Wednesday night. Does 1 if by man 2 if by she know that you’re cheating on her with motor mouth?

And then we had an extra solemn occasion… a DOUBLE naming!

Just Julia and Just Holly are work wives; both are DCPS teachers, have exceptionally boring virginity stories, and have relatively useless Bachelor’s degrees. Just Holly hails from Altuna, Pennslyvania (ALLLLLL TUNA, ALLLLL THE TIME), loves granny panties, sharting over the phone during conference calls, and once slashed someone’s tires as a “dare” . Just Julia is from Raleigh, NC, almost got shanked by an octogenarian in a bar for drinking while “pregnant,” and once got invited to breakfast by a boy’s mom, mid-blowsie. Some names were thrown out– Granny Slammies and Munch and Brunch, Down Down and Tuna Town– but what really sealed the deal was when Just Julia admitted that she peed in front of her entire class in France and kept on teaching. I’m not up on my standards, but that’s gotta be the definition of exceptional teaching (emphasis on the exceptional part). A name, a holy name was thrown out: Tweedle Pee and Tweedle Cum, and the crowd went wild. Just Julia peed her pants, Just Holly sharted, they both had to don new jorts, and hence forth and forevermore….

We came. We jortsed. We spent three hours in McDonald’s playing “prostitute or homeless person?”

On-Pink Flamingos are the new Pink Elephants-on,

Mr. hEd

EWH3# 779: The Fifth (?) Anal Jorts Association of Arlington Trail Trash! 

Where: Pentagon City Metro (Blue/Yellow Line).  (Virginia Highland Park)

When: 6:45 PM Thursday July 11, 2013

HaresWhiskey Business, Cock Soup, Yule Log and a mystery hare.


On On On: Freddie’s Beach Bar and Restaurant

555 23rd Street South

Arlington, VA 22202

(703) 685-0555

This trail started on a hot Thursday evening in Arlington. The pack assembled at a corner near Virginia Highland Park. Our brew crewers managed to find a spot for Plan-B just a stones throw from sign in. The GM for the evening Colliteral Damage started off by introducing the virgins to the pack, just Ammy, Catherine, Graham, Rachel, Will, Andreas, Joe, Alex, Nina, Steph, and Ben. We had a few visitors Jugs and Prarie Doggin’. The hare representatives explained in advance how poorly the trail was laid and the pack may as well go home. But most of the pack stayed and after a song about a man with a shitty job and biracial children likely to byproducts of a cheating wife the pack was off.


The hares ran the pack through various parts of Arlington. The pack found Plan-B for a quick beer check at the top a hill, they were then sent off into Arlington to find Plan-B again under the railroad tracks in Crystal City. The pack hung out drinking and sweating in their jorts. The RA for the night Daisy Chain gathered up the pack and started circle beginning by violating the hares, reintroducing the virgins and visitors. Then it was time for violations!!


BrokeBack was violated for being deported, apparently she has to go fix malaria again.

Cum on My Buddy also violated for being deported, to Israel, aren’t ther enough problems there already.

Cum Dumpling and One if by Man two if By She were violated for bragging about pronounced bulges in their pants, her over sized clit and his swollen taint. Just because you need a specialized bycicle seat doesn’t make you cooler than everyone else.

-Anchor Spanker was violated for false advertisement; he was running in socks that said “Hung” and “Look” we all know this is a lie, If you want a witness talk to Yule Logs mother.

RG3some and Kindergarten Cock were violated for planning to pick up their third in their next three some by advertising at freddies by cutting Kindergarten Cocks Jorts as short as possible.

Lock Cock and Two smoking nostrils was violated for complaining about sand in her vag, Id suggest you put a towel down next time you get it on at the beach.

Fistopher Bullumbus was violated for skipping his auditions for the pirates of the Caribbean 8. Sweet facial hair kid.

Roof Rack was violated for failure to make eye contact with Just nick.

Just Nick was violated for doing most of his talking with his bouncing pecks.



Then it was time for the most solemn occasion of a naming. The lucky hasher to get on their knees this week was Just Casey. A little about Casey, she grew up in Herndon, went to Tomas Jefferson High, went to UVA where she was an econ major, works part time as a waitress, full time at Crapital One, was afraid to put things in her box until she was 20, lost her V-card to a guy she met at a bar who turned out to be a bouncer, is so mean she once pushed her sister into the water at mini golf, once hooked up with a frat guy during her time of the month and left her underwear behind, once passed out in the study lounge at her sorority house with a guy face down in her box, Rape and Spillage spilled pee on her once(hence his name), and allegedly peed on a cops shoes after being arrested (allegedly). There were some good names thrown out such as Day after Spill, Red Velvet Grope,  Funday Bloody Funday, but only one name was worthy of this hasher.  Forever more and throughout the world of hashing except (you know who you are) Just Casey will be known as Pee it Forward!!

And then the pack was Happy, Macho mugs were nowhere in sight and the pack made their way to Freddie’s for Karaoke.


On – My hash bag washed away -On

EWH3 Scribe

Little Thunder Clap