Posts

When: October 8, 2015

Where: pretty much everywhere but (a.k.a. Federal Center SW for ballbuster and Gallery place for regular)

Hares:

  • BALLBUSTER: Sorest Rump, All Flash No Drive, Bumspringa, Wookin Pa Nub, Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock
  • REGULAR: Mouthful of Clam, Stain Gretzky, Moose Knuckles, More Men, Slothy Seconds, You Sucked My Battledick

Virgins: Justs Bree, Elizabeth, Josh, Nick, Preston, Ross and Santiago

Visitors: Everyone who is running for Speaker of the House

On After: Gordon Biersch

With colder days and longer nights setting in, your Netflix queue is growing to match. While CBS may be doing a Red Dress Run storyline later this year, what you didn’t know is that your favorite streaming services are actually creating more special episodes and new series inspired by stupid things you may have done:

  • Botched — Drs. Nassif and Dubrow travel to DC to help St. Pauli’s Girl who had a lot of very nice things to say about trail, but his balls were so busted they became a big, sandy vagina.
  • VicePinocchi-Ho explores the European refugee crisis while looking for a mail order bride.
  • Cool Pope (coming later this fall) — Slut Machine wears short shorts on a Catholic high school campus (a former dress code violation) to teach kids what things were like before Cool Pope.
  • Grumpy Old Men (coming in January) — inspired by the hit movie, General’s Farm Animal attempts to help Trim Shady carry her bike down some stairs, but it turns out that chivalry isn’t dead, it’s just old and drunk.
  • Alrighteous (coming in Spring 2016) — She leans left, he curves to the right. But will Moose Knuckles do the right thing when he brings More Men two shoes belonging to the same foot?
  • Diary of Era (Coming in your pants) — In a special two part episode, Hand Franks shows up. Apparently he was in hiding. Then Shits Fired get complimented on his facial hair by a homeless gentleman. Apparently he’s in a particularly aspirational state of unkemptness.

And we held a pitch session for Just Emily, an oceanographer with Jaws-like tendencies. Not only did she once bite off a chunk of her sister’s arm, she plays rugby and once teased someone into an eating disorder. The network is already printing up t-shirts with her catchphrase: If You Weren’t So Fat You’d Understand.

On — hooray for Hollywood — on,

Mambo # Hives

EWH3# 852: The Choose Your Own Adventure/RDR Pre-Lube Trail!- 6:45 PM Thursday, October 9th,  Deanwood Metro (Ballbuster- Orange Line) and Eastern Market Metro (Regular- Orange/Blue/Silver Line)

 

When:  BALLBUSTER: Thursday October 2nd, 2014.  Meet at 5:30, Pack away at 6PM SHARP!

REGULAR: Thursday, October 9th, 2014.  Meet at 6:45, pack away at 7:15!

WhereBALLBUSTER: Deanwood Metro (Orange Line)-follow marks to start!
               REGULAR: Eastern Market (Orange/Blue/Silver Line)- follow marks to the start!

Hares: BALLBUSTER: St. Pauli’s Girl, Whisky Business, Big Bang, Blows a Tranny and RPI
                REGULAR: Sphincter Shy. Whoregon Trail, Red Vag of Courage, Six Pigs and mystery hares.

Weather: PERFECT. I guess the RAs are good for something!

Miscellaneous Crap: SO. MANY. PEOPLE.

On On On: Phase 1!

Virgins: Just Mij, Just Nik, Just Nicole, Just John, Just Pablo, Just Melissa, Just Lauren, Just Kelsie, Just Brendan, Just MJ

Visitors: 5 O’Twat Shadow (Tidewater H3), Chew Toy (Voodoo H3), Cock Ness Monster (Voodoo H3), Deer Near (SOH4/Utica BTN H3), Dickie Wong (Voodoo H3), Dirty Virgin (Cape Fear/Carolina Trash H3), Duck Duck Oops (Skull and Boners H3), Extra Virgin Anal Oil (JustMaddy H3), F.A.R.T. (NYCH3/GGFM), Free 2 Lay (H5), Hand 2 Hand Cumbat (Hariettes for Healthy Hooters/DCRW), I Am What I Eat (Heidelberg H3), Imagine My Erection (Voodoo H3), Motherload (Crescent Shiggy/Voodoo H3), One Trick Dick (Utica BTN H3/SOH4), Penis Colada (NOH3), Penis Fly Trap (Skull and Boners H3), PhWedgie (H5), Slam Bam Thank You Lamb (Voodoo H3), Starship InHerThighs (CKH3), Stinkfinger (Oregon H3), Texticle Teaser (Voodoo H3), Wet Spots (Oregon H3), Straight In the Navy, Barefoot Youngdung (ABQH3), High Speed Cock Bumper (Tidewater H3), Pom Pilot (SOH4), Anatomically Incorrect Ken (Alamogordo H3), Wieners Out (Madison H3), Vanilla Is a Flavor Too (Carolina Trash), Ooh That Smell (Carolina Trash), And They’re Off… On My Face (Carolina Trash), Drunk Neighbor (Tidewater H3), Gag ‘Em Style (CUNT)

 

See? I told you there were a f%=k ton of people. Circle was so noisy, I lost my voice for a week. Blows a Tranny has never been happier. 

Oh yeah, and we had some VIOLATIONS!!!!!!

 

Before trail began, All Flash No Drive gave me some words of wisdom. She said, and I quote, “all you gotta do is hang in there, make it short and make it naughty!” Excellent advice, AFND!

(Isn’t this the weirdest gif? I mean, is she naughty Pinocchio? Adding that to my “Halloween costumes to consider” list…)

You Sucked My Battle Dick was heard comparing her vagina to a Ferris wheel. Because there’s lots of riders, but she still takes you to new heights every time!

(Boys be like “no way am I waiting in line, it’s my turn next!”)

Jew Cock A lived up to his namesake when he was approached by little kids who immediately pointed at him and screamed, “wow he’s hairy!” 

As Christina Aguilera once said, “you’re beautiful, no matter what they say.” So you do you, Jew Cock A. You do you.

Muppet Rapies came into beer check late because, quote, “I got lost in a bush and couldn’t find my way out!” In my mind she looked something like this:

Uncle Bad Touch was asking for jewelry and a wig for red dress because his dress “just doesn’t have enough flair.” The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, UBT. 

Mouth Full of Clam confused chlorophyll with chloroform. Yikes.
And finally… the NAMING!!!!
 Just Lucy is a neuroscientist, went to Oxford, and wants to have sex with Speedy Gonzales. She swiped her V card at 17 on a boat (with T-Pain, naturally), and then her parents walked in! She pooped and peed her pants at 7000 feet before jumping out of an airplane to escape from a man she had just copulated with. Rife with interesting stories, the names were thrown around pretty early for Just Lucy. The crowd favorites were The British are Cumming, Rip Whored, Parapooper, and God Save the Peeing. The crowd voted, and henceforth and forevermore, Just Lucy will be known as God Save the Peeing!
On- just thinking about red dress weekend makes me nauseous- on,Mr. hEd