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Trail Trash for EWH3# 785: The Whitest Kids You Know Trail! 6:45 PM Thursday, August 22nd, 2013 – Southern Avenue Metro
When: 6:45 PM Thursday August 22, 2013.

Where: Southern Avenue Metro (GreenLine)

HaresChick’n Fuck’r, Miss Me Gag Me, St. Pauli’s Girl, Red Vag of Courage and Tragic Carpet Ride (walker’s)

On On On: The Player’s Lounge (formally known as Georgina’s)

Specials: Everyone who was there!

The daring pack circled up at the top of the southern ave  parking garage. With no others daring enough to park a car there even in the daylight there was plenty of room for the brewcrewers Hungry Hungry Homo and PinociHo to find a spot for Plan-B. The GM for the evening Don’t Ask Don’t Smell  started off by introducing the virgins to the pack, just Anthony, Tara, Michelle, Dave,  Maureen, Caitlin, Fernando, Charlotte, Sam, Zach, Matt, and Josh. He then introduced the visitors Hair Cuntery, Freeze Frame, and Two Inches in Lady Boy. The hare representatives Red Vadge of Courage told the pack to to stay together and leave their wallets  and IPhones in the bag van. Red Vadge then sang us a song about a man in a button factory and the pack was off.

The hares ran the pack through various parts of the Anacostia area stopping for a quick beer check on a secluded vacant lot. The pack continued on to find Plan-B again just behind the players lounge.

The RA for the night Daisy Chain circled up the pack began by violating the hares, reintroducing the virgins the visitors. Then it was time for violations!!

Violations were kicked off with a big thank you to all of our “Chaperones” for the evening. Thank you for keeping us safe in your home land.

Dildo Shaggins was violated when a local said “slowdown snowflake” the man who said it is only assuming she actually is a snowflake because hes never seen one or a white person before.

Mr hEd was violated for attempting to eat parking lot skittles, not surprisingly earlier in the week a five year old was the voice of reason convincing her eating glitter was a bad idea.

Pee it Forward was violated for her French braid, with this crowd pig tails will get you farther.

Roll Over Bitch was violated for not we had more than one black hasher, or knowing minorities have red blood too. He told just David he had blood on him, which turned out to be mud.

Theres a Clap For That was violated referring to what Kindergarten Cock labeled smelling like “Poison Ivy and Vagina” he referred to as “delicious”. Sick dude….

Aunt Vaginas Maple Syrup was violated for eating fish before the hash. Her new girlfriend had no complaints.

-Blow white was violated when her and Mr. hEd passed a creepy horror movie house. She told Mr. hEd that she would be fine but Mr. hEd would die first because they always kill the “Hot” ones  last.

Hells Anal was violated when she said “I only eat the vanilla if its double stuffed” given our location im sure you could find some chocolate if that’s your taste.

Whiskey Business was violated for stepping on a nail. Typically its later in the night before he gets penetrated.

Some other good violations came from the crowd. Carmen Sandieg Ho was violated for giving up when she got engaged. Hair Cuntery for showing up late but his nose was still on time. Mr hEd for “picking up” kids(she claims she “works with children” sure creep….)

Then it was time for the most solemn occasion of a naming. The lucky hasher to put their knees in a puddle this week was just David. A little about Just David, he is from Marietta Georgia, attended Harvard law and is now a lawyer, claims to have flexible boundarie(he bisexual is what I think that means), once went to bed with a girl who turned out to be a squirter and accused her of having a leaky roof, like to take it stallion style, was once coming home from anthropology and shit in his ski pants, tried to skip condom wrappers on the beach in Puerto Rico, was accused of packing heat by a man with a tiny dog, likes to go on car rides with strange dudes when visiting the Bahamas, Prefers to take it in the ass than the mouth “because you can prove it”(really? WTF?). The pack had a handful of good names right from the start including Atticus Felch, In the Ass And I Can Prove It(his own words), CSI my Asshole, Turd Reform, Men In Back, and many others. But only one name was worthy of this hasher.  Forever more and throughout the world of hashing except (you know who you are) Just David will be known as You Can’t Handle The Poop!!

And then the pack was Happy, Macho mugs were had and the pack made their way to The Playaz Lounge.

On – Marion Barry Where are you?!?! -On

EWH3 Scribe

Little Thunder Clap

Hares: Chicken Fucker, Monday Sticky Monday, Beer Fairy, A-Salt My Ass and Peace O’Chum
Brew Crew: Silver Spooge and Wank Like An Egyptian
Virgins: Just Steph, James, Jess, Julie, Jeremy, Mike, Travis, Jamie, Mark and Juan
Visitors: No visitors were dumb enough to run this trail!
Analversaries: None
OnOnOn: Georgina’s

This week the hares had us venture over the Anacostia, through the ghetto and into eastern Maryland.  We circled up on the top of the metro parking garage and commenced our normal opening activities.  The trail featured surprisingly little ghetto and lots of shiggy.  This included many forays through pricker bushes which everyone enjoyed.  One of the more interesting pieces of terrain was a very large, abandoned parking lot in the middle of nothing.  It was difficult to imagine what this parking lot used to serve as parking for.

Eventually we emerged from the wilderness into one of DC’s finer neighborhoods where all the best shopping (for illicit drugs) and (gang graffiti) and nightlife (Georgina’s, the singular bar in the whole neighborhood) can be found!

Now on to the details:

Violations:

  • A-Salt My Ass grabbed Cock Your Suck I Will from behind and picked her up during opening circle.  I hope you all caught that because it’s probably the last time you’ll ever have the opportunity to witness ASMA picking up a girl.
  • Bitch On Bitch On Bitch was overheard complaining “This thing made me itch.”  Something you picked up at the hash made you itch…? No shit!
  • Chicken Fucker (and the hares) laid yet another trail that made everyone bleed like a 12 year old girl getting finger banged for the first time.
  • Hair Cuntery was complaining that the terrain encountered on trail wasn’t quite what was advertised on the trail news.  If had known there was going to be so much shiggy he would have worn different shoes.  If that’s not some r*cist bullshit I don’t know what is!
  • Cum Dumplings batteries died on trail and he didn’t have any replacements.  CD should always have extra batteries with him. We all know there is no way he’ll ever be able please a woman without a battery operated device.
  • Fat Friends in Wet Places was carrying his cell phone on trail.  I hate to be the one to break it to you dude, but she’s never going to call you back.
  • Do Me Howser and Cum Dumpling were rubbing each others nipples at beer check.  That’s some gay shit right there.
  • Cum Cumpling and Do Me Howser couldn’t stop talking about queens on trail.  Whether they were talking about history or their last date, is inconsequential, they deserved their down-downs.
  • An Inconvenient Poop was 30 minutes late to the hash.  You know the old saying: better late than pregnant!
  • Just Carla was the victim of not just one but two drive-by pickup attempts on this ghetto trail.  No word if any of the thugz actually got her number…
  • It was Cute Lesbian In Training’s birthday.  We usually don’t commemorate birthday’s at EWH3 but in this case we made an exception since it meant C.L.I.T. was finally old enough to get her learners permit.
  • Dyke Tyson was complaining that she couldn’t get her tits out.  I have three words for you: practice, practice,practice.  Us harriers will be happy to observe and critique your technique.
  • Tits for Tots was wearing a shirt that so torn up it made her look like the latest tiger attach victim at the ‘Ziegfried and Roy’ show.
  • Finally the Hares were violated for not looking out for our brew crew.  The chose an ending circle that was right in front of a sign reading: “No serving or consuming alcohol within 1000 feet.  Violators will be prosecuted.”

Then we had a very special occasion… a NAMING! (It’s not like we do this EVERY week!)

This night Just Nikki was brought into the circle so that the crowd could give her a decent and respectable name worthy of the hash.  During the interrogation phase of the ritual we learned the following about Just Nikki:

  • She went to college at Salisbury University in Maryland home of the Seagulls.
  • She supports her hashing habit bu working as a graphic designer at the Jewish Community Center… and yes she is a Hebe!
  • Her favorite barnyard animal is the Cock
  • Her favorite sexual position is Doggy Style and the most unusual place she’s had sex is an elementary school playground.
  • In her opinion facials are good for your skin.

A few stories came out about Just Nikki.  One time a boyfriend passed out while going down on her.  She was also caught having sex with a dude who had a girlfriend (she was the mistress) by the guys mom.

Her most embarrassing sexual experience occurred in high school however.  Her boyfriend decided to make her a romantic dinner for valentines day.  His parents were out of the house and he set up candles and everything.  After dinner things got hot and heavy and they went to his room to have sex.  Unfortunately his parents and grandparents came home early that night.  Even more unfortunately they ran into the house screaming, not because they knew Just Nikki and her guy were having sex, but because the dining room table was ON FIRE.  Just Nikki and the boyfriend had to evacuate the house naked.  Remember kids, put those candles out before you start playing a round of ‘hide the candle.’  Lesson learned!

The crowd come up with the following nominations for Just Nikki:

  • Friction Burn
  • Wake Up Little Floozie
  • Stop Fuck and Roll
  • Ambien Me Over
  • Parent Trap
  • Felacial
  • Backshaft
  • It Burns It Burns
  • Fire Down Under
  • Come On Baby Light My Fire

Hmm most of these names followed a theme.  In the end the crowd favorite was Backshaft in honor of the classic firefighting movie and some sort of phallus.  That’s just how we roll.  Goodbye Just Nikki, hello Backshaft may all your hashes be short and beer filled and all your drunken mistakes be disease free.

Then we went to the ononon, Georgina’s, got drunk and clumsily made passes at each other… some of them probably even worked.  No sightings of former mayor Marion Barry this time.  Boo!

Until next time…

On on,
Rear Protein Injection
EWH3 Scribe