When: June 11, 2015
Where: Waterfront Metro (Green line)
Hares: Jew-Cock-A, Compost Pile, SWAB, DADS, La Gingeracha
On After: The Big Stick
Weather: It’s getting hot in herre.
~ Mambo # Hives
When: June 11, 2015
Where: Waterfront Metro (Green line)
Hares: Jew-Cock-A, Compost Pile, SWAB, DADS, La Gingeracha
On After: The Big Stick
Weather: It’s getting hot in herre.
~ Mambo # Hives
EWH3 #543 – Black of the Clones Hash, Waterfront
Hares: Private Snowball, Runs with Bulls, Sucks It Blue, The Udder Ho, Hungry Hungry Homo, Rear Protein Injection
Brew Crew: Fuck’s Up, Doc, Buttfuck Norris
Virgins: Just: Chris, Erin, Nela, Miranda, Sam, Richie, Andy, Christine, Josh, Chad, Blair
Visitors: Shitty Kitty Porn Porn (Vegas H3), Cherry Poppins (Ben Franklin Mob H3), Just Martha (Carleton College H3), Just Braydon (Seattle H3), Dam It and Damn It (Ann Arbor H3), Emergency Blow
Analversaries: Duck Job—100 hashes
Ononon: Jenny’s
The pack met up in front of a church on the Southwest Waterfront. Not the church of beer, where we all worship, but an actual church. We circled up, the hares came out in matching black t-shirts and kilts (except for RPI, who was wearing a towel—leave it to the one white dude to take a trend and make it look stupid), and after a rousing chorus of, “Hi, my name is Joe,” off we went. It wasn’t too long before we got to the first shot check, a Black Russian. By the time our stomachs settled from that, we reached the second shot check in a park, a White Russian. That shot tied the whole trail together! The pack ran on, thinking we’d hit the beer check at any second. We ran by two or three locations where we’d had beer checks before, and still no Plan B in sight. We got our hopes up and got let down so many times that by the time we finally reached beer check somewhere in Southeast, we could all identify with the plight of the angry black man.
The second half of trail was, thankfully, pretty short and sweet. We crossed back into Southwest, hit our third shot check—a screwdriver, which didn’t fit the theme at all—and headed to the on-in, under a bridge.
Offensive, Racist Violations (Srsly. If I believed in hell, I’d be going there for these):
Violations from the Crowd:
Then we had a NAMING!
Just Zara attended George Washington University, where she majored in international affairs, and now works for the Smithsonian, giving tours. So that’s what they call head now! She lost her virginity at age 17 in the back of a jeep and likes chickens and reverse cowgirl. Just Zara owns a sex toy that she thinks is called the “little rabbit.” She wore a pearl necklace to her first hash. She once had sex on an incline bench press. Just Zara once lost her underwear the morning after sex, but was found when her then-boyfriend’s dog puked it up while they were having breakfast with his mother.
Shitty name suggestions were:
and
Before we could throw Just Zara back, it was mentioned that she neglected to tell us that she was on her period when her boyfriend’s dog ate and threw up her underwear. Because of this, she will henceforth and forevermore, throughout the world of hashing (except Great Falls—fuck them!), be known as Clifford the Big Red Cock.
Since that went quickly, we had ANOTHER NAMING!
Just Brandon, who was thrown back last week, attended University of Minnesota, where he majored in psychology, and is now a writer for some publication for consumers. He’s a Freudian, and he doesn’t like electric shocks, but he loves his mother. Just Brandon lost her virginity at age 16 in his parents’ bedroom and has also gotten laid in the bathroom at Ulah Bistro on U Street. When he was 5 years old, he punched his great-grandfather, and intentionally dialed the wrong number to apologize. As a child, Just Brandon also busted a girl’s teeth. She is now on MSNBC. His high school nickname was “Felcher,” because he came in a girl and then ate her out. I do not think that word means what you think it means. Just Brandon was charged with felony vandalism for stealing signs when Minnesota won the Frozen Four. He doesn’t come from blow jobs and hasn’t gotten laid in 2 years; these facts might be related. He also taped and sold porn from junior high school through the middle of college.
Name suggestions (that didn’t suck) were:
and
The pack settled on Rusty Trombone—second time’s the charm!
Both namings done, we proceeded to the original on-on-on, Phillips, only to find it was closed. But that didn’t stop us. Hashers are nothing if not resourceful, so we went next door to Jenny’s, drank more beer, and tried to get laid.
Damn, my quads still hurt from that trail,
Tits for Tots
EWH3 Scribe