When: February 21, 2013
Where: Rosslyn Metro Station, parking garage above the Continental
Hares: Homo Arigato; Mr. Robuto; Turdettes Syndrome
a beautiful night colder than three witches tits in Virginia but we still managed to draw in SO-MANY virgins. There was Sandra, Vladimir, Shannon, Lisa, Philip, Alexander, Zeina, Stephanie, Patrick, and Iva. These people must have really been looking to get laid to come run with us on such a f*ckin’ cold night.
If there were visitors I didn’t write it down because at point in circle my hands were frozen. Come back and see us next time though.
It was a cold ass trail that led us all the way across the Key Bridge and back (like you didn’t see that coming). Like a good communist trail there were a number a shortages: a shortage of true trail arrows, a shortage of flour marks, and the pack was never together (so much for a classless hash).
After the suffering and toiling of trail we met up in an old bomb shelter for circle and beverages. The always awesome Don’t Ask Don’t Smell and You Sucked My Battle Dick were our trusty brew crew for the evening. Thank you brew crew!!!
Violations for the evening:
- The Hares: Homo Arigato, Mr. Robuto, and Turdettes Syndrome were violated for the failure to stand in enough ration lines to get us the proper amount of flour for trail. We violated you again later because cum-on-that trail – seriously!?!
- Colliteral Damage spent 5 minutes in heaven with a German Shepard. Peanut Butter anyone?
- Just Laura balked at the Communist trail theme and defied Karl Marx by wearing her always tacky and lovely American Flag hat to trail – Democrazy forever!
- Despite her hash virgin status Just Maureen stopped at her house to get the walkers a nice flask of warm rum. Wait, are you sure this is your first time? I think we should keep her!
- Brown Eye for the Gay Guy: We know you love running (we see your facebook posts) but you don’t need to wear your Marine Corps Marathon recovery coat everywhere. Don’t be racist – you know better!
- Whiskey Business mentioned a goal of not being drunk on Saturday morning at WIE. Seriously? This scribe has been to WIE. That was never going to happen.
- Cutting Class was stealing all of nuts. Save some for the squirrels and for the Johnsons.
- Tragic Carpet Ride brought a plunger to trail. Apparently this is a White House hash award. Tragic seems to be entirely too happy with that plunger (don’t tell us what you do with it – we just don’t want to know).
Then we got to a very solemn occasion – a naming. Our wonderful beer b*tch for the evening Just Alex from the Bay area in California had some stories to tell. He is a 49ers fan, into Global Studies (what the heck is that), and lost his virginity in the front seat of a car (that sounds uncomfortable). And like so many men, he had a bad run-in with some teeth in a sensitive place (there are how to guides on the interwebs people) and he saw that horse video that went around during college (you know what I’m talking about people). His special parts had a run in with a deer head while he was passed out nekkid (please tell me he is cumming to the camping trip). However Just Alex has a knack for delivering bad news to MILFs in the Congressional Cafeteria and what he said was just too good. Henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing (except those guys – F them) Just Alex will be known as, Daddy’s Gonna Be Awhile.
To make up for all the shortage on trail we got a special treat…. another naming (hurrah). The handsome devil Just Sean kneeled before us to confess stories. He is a good Catholic boy with an MBA from NY. Just Sean cut right to the chase and told us about his BJ in a certain famous house in DC in a certain famous room in that house. WOW – consider us impressed! Just Sean also had a bad run in with teeth and was once caught visiting his girl’s special parts by said girlfriend’s mom (awkward)! There were some good naming options: Rice, Rice, Baby – 2 Blow, Cunnilingus Rice, Sticky Situation, and Feel-A-Buster. Henceforth and forevermore throughout the world hashing (except those guys – F them) Just Sean will be know as, Sticky Rice.
Glitty Clitty Gang Bang