Tag Archive for: The Gourd

EWH3# 802: The Anything You Can Lay, We Can Lay Better Trail! 6:45 PM Thursday, December 5, 2013 – Columbia Heights Metro

  • When: 6:45 PM Thursday December 5, 2013.
  • Harriettes: Whorescope, Miss Me Gag Me, Blow White, Just Amy, and Just Pam
Last week our hares brought us through the wilds of CoHi, proving that, once again, ladies just do it better. The all-female gang bang (wait, where was Glitty Clitty?) took the virginity of 16 us, making us all very glad that Hell’s Anal provided plenty of lube. Our de-flowered have now been respectively renamed Just Emile, Just Peter, Just Matthew, Just Nick (x2), Just Roger, Just Cliff, Just Dean, Just Morgane, Just Brendan, Just Adam, Just Megan, Just David, Just Tania, Just Deborah, Just Ellie, and Just Sam, and if I remember correctly, they were all EXTREMELY single. So, buy them a beer next week and leer at them all creepy-like!

Some of the stupid things you did on trail, includes, but is not limited to…

UNOBTAINIUM broke his arm after falling down on his bike while masturbating. Leave the multitasking to the women, Unobtainium!

I WILL PEE IN YOU was violated for pouring out a full beer before trail began. Alcohol abuse is the worst abuse and is punishable by spankings. I recommend S&MOM, he’s quite good.

PEE WEE’S LITTLE ADVENTURE was impressed by how clean the backwoods of Columbia Heights are. When you live in Ape Mansion, apparently being homeless is preferable.

GLITTY CLITTY GANG BANG tried to pet a pussy on trail and was rejected. Sorry GCGB, I guess sometimes they really do bite.

FRANK LLOYD BITE was caught on trail saying “I’m half way to becoming a dinosaur!” Sorry lady, but the hash doesn’t have enough room for two Syphilasaurus, and currently Whizz Bizz holds that title. Although I hear it’s just a pissing contest (get it?! GET IT?!)

DADS, on trail, declared quite smugly, “I’m getting a degree in sticking big things in tiny places.” Sorry dude, but I don’t think they give out grad degrees for sleeping with UNO.

RPI was violated for scaring a group of young African American children. Apparently having a big bald white guy run at you very quickly with one-hundred of his closest friends following behind is worth declaring “OMG SO MANY WHITE PEOPLE! WHY?!?!”

….and all of these shenanigans led us right to the crux of the evening… a solemn occasion… a naming!

Just Amy hails from Merrilynd, graduated from Virginia Tech, and works as a biostatistician. She once had sex in an elevator and was caught by her friend’s grandmother, pooped her pants a few weeks ago in Whiskey’s car, and was once given a citation for peeing in public. Amidst all of the drunken stories told, three stood out: Just Amy once threw up in her hair and dyed it pink, she was her female best friend’s first kiss, and she got so drunk at the halloween trail that she stole a pumpkin from a church and carried it home. Names were suggested, but among the best were Pinky and the Stain, Gwen Stuff On Me, Cocktogenarian, and the Gourd, the Bad, and the Slutty. The hash voted/drunkenly mumbled, and Just Amy will hence forth and forevermore in the world of hashing (except Great Falls!) be known as THE GOURD, THE BAD, AND THE SLUTTY. And the hash went home, got a piece, and The Gourd, The Bad, and The Slutty, went home, stole a church’s Christmas wreath, and woke up in a puddle of someone else’s urine. What a beautiful life!

On-Hugs and Kisses and Vomit-Stained Hair-On,

Mr. hEd

EWH3 Stunt Scribe