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When: June 11, 2015

Where: Waterfront Metro (Green line)

Hares: Jew-Cock-A, Compost Pile, SWAB, DADS, La Gingeracha

On After: The Big Stick

Weather: It’s getting hot in herre.

Hash Trash #892 emoji

 

 

 

~ Mambo # Hives

EWH3# 776: The Midsummer Night’s Hash Trail! (Tour duh hash) 

When: June 20 – 6:45 PM Thursday June 20, 2013. Pack away at 715 pm on the dot (thanks Cum Dumpling)
Where: Francis Scott Key Park
Sexy HaresFireDrill, HellsAnal, JewBaca, PlanetOfTheRapes, PutItOut, StickyRice & TonguePunchMyFartBox
The fairies, woodland creatures, and people in glitter circled up in Francis Scott Key Park spilling into the pristine streets of Georgetown. Plan B got filled to her brim and the late cummers had to carry their bags and sign in later. Cum Dumpling corralled the half minds; dirty t-shirts were passed out; a million virgins and new to EWH3 Justs were introduced: (Jeremy, Katherine x2, Anna, Andrea x2, Kim, Lauren, Kirsten, Jeff x2, Elijah, Christina, Margaret, Catherine, Stacy, Alison, Allison, Ashley, Veronica, Gina, Anthony, Ben, Tim, Brian, Nichole, Laura, Joan, Bakari, Jared and Robb); a song about Joe was sung (hi Joe); and the pack left on time (weird right?).
The hares laid a fun trail over hill and dale. They used their magic wands to hide the giant 200 + pack in plain sight during two beer checks and a lovely shot check (for the half of the pack that didn’t zen to the end). Wax On Whacks Off saved the late cummers from having to carry their bags the entire way by stashing extra bags in his vehicle – thanks WoWo!
Uno, Dos, Tres, Liftoff and Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack were the beer heros for the night and the Master’s of Plan B. You all poured a record breaking amount of beverage that night and we appreciate you all!
The pack was rowdy but WoWo, Daisy Chain, Whiskey Business and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Cock were the rag tag tumble team of RAs that evening. Some of the violations of the night included:
  • Virgin Just Andrea not only wore a race shirt to trail (racist) she also wore new shoes. Too bad you could run away before we could find you. Come back with your new shoes so we can violation you again (and again).
  • 1001 Arabian Dykes won the Frogger award that evening for almost getting run over by a car.
  • Planet of the Rapes dressed as an angel for trail. Try as he might he cannot escape his name (Rape anyone?).
  • Cum on my Buddy made it back from Turkey safely (hurrah) but did violate himself by telling a story about projectile vomiting in the bathtub (gross).
  • Cum Dumpling went down on Mr. hEd’s baby hedgehog. You should wait until it is of age!
  • Choke and Gag Her showed off his love scratches he received from Ear Muffs on trail (acceptable hash behavior).
  • The lovely hare, Hell’s Anal, didn’t think that anyone would want to see her ass. Seriously, what was she drinking?!!?
  • Dr. Toolittle looked suspiciously guilty as the trail was described as short, flat and dry.
  • Wank Like An Egyptian was offering sex in exchange for a place to crash (acceptable hash behavior).
Then we got to a very special occasion – a naming! The pack was sufficiently sloshed by this point so we were gearing up for a fun one. Just Sam loves doggie style; the little Mermaid (who doesn’t), went to Ohio state, and is a chemical engineer. Just Sam once gave a blowjob while her boyfriend was blackout drunk…. and the problem was he woke up and came all over (the problem is???). Just Sam really likes it in the family as she experienced oral sex for the first time with her Daddy (apparently dad is a heavy sleeper) in the room and once got caught masturbating by her sister (tsk, tsk). The pack really zeroed in on the family action and had some good naming ideas: All in the Family, Daddy’s Little Oral, Family Shatters, and Breaking Daddy Even. Just Sam then shared an epic sh*t story. In high school when she ran cross country she once sh*t her pants on a muddy trail. She threw her messy underpants over a hill and tried to claim it was all mud. But when Mom picked her up she had none of it and hosed her down before allowing her in the house. The brought up several more fun naming options: It Gets the Hose Again, Mamas and Poopas, Sh*t Fockers, and Pompoo. However at this point the pack was too drunk for logic and went back to the engineering angle so henceforth and forevermore Just Sam will be known as Lithium? I Barium Knowium.
Everyone was happy the pack fluttered off to the Tombs.
On-YouHaveGlitterWhere-On,
Glitty Clitty Gang Bang
EWH3 Scribe

EWH3 #654: Crystal City

Hares:  Red Vag of Courage, Dial F, Roll Over, Bitch, Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack, and Six Fags

Virgins: Too many to list….and I missed opening circle

Visitors:  Bad Whore, Fuckin A+, Motherload

OnOnOn: Freddies – where dreams come true

Hurrah for Tour Du Hash week! Of course there were metro issues on my way to hash so I missed opening circle but I’m going to guess a large pack circled up with a crap ton of virgins, sang a rousing rendition of My Name is Joe, and were off. I caught up to the pack just as they were heading into the suburbs of Crystal City. It was clear that our current and former harerazors wanted to teach the pack a lesson….seriously what did we ever do to you guys except show you love and respect?! We were marched up every single hill to be found in the area. You know its bad when even Cock Soup is about to pass out. Anyway after several miles and a few tears we came to the beer check….wait just kidding! Finally after several more false alarms we found the real check where there were some much needed cool refreshments.

After a few tasty, tasty beers and a bit of recovery time the pack was once again off for what thankfully turned out to be a relatively straight shot to the end. We all milled about and waited for Plan B to arrive and then had some fun with….

Violations:

Just Greg and Sophie were wearing shiny new drinking vassals

Whiskey Business was so worried that he wouldn’t get enough attention on his birthday that he decided to go out and break his collar bone to make sure.

The Hares were more of a tease than The Scarlet Letter

Just Daniela took over the title of dirtiest girl at the hash when she willing rubbed herself in Chip’N Fails’ sweat

Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack’s mug is apparently the only thing of his getting any lady wet these days

Brokeback Mama was heard saying “A vagina is actually cleaner than a mouth”….when was the last time you saw one to know?

Everyone that was partaking in the wine and cheese party at the on-in….mostly just bc I was jealous I didn’t get any

Whiskey Business was heard saying that “washing with my left hand was weird but jerking off was just fine”

It was so hot that the Hares were actually trying to get iced.

Violations from the Crowd:

 Silly Gay Virus for helping zip Whiskey Business’ jorts

PIO was trying to be a raceist by yelling “yellow shirt, yellow shirt” coming into check only to realize half the pack was already there

Osama Been Hashing was heard saying “24 virgins?! I’m a 3rd of the way there!”

Then it was time for a relatively usual event…..a naming!!!

Just Marc is from Richmond and was in the Air Force. He now works with Chip’N Fails as a computer operator for a gov contractor. He likes a lot of different kinds of porn and once had a girl fart in his face when he was going down on her. He is apparently really afraid of women and last year when he was drunk shat his pants. Rumor also has it that he has a larger than average Asian penis.

Names that didn’t suck:

Down with Yo PooPoo

The Scat Man

Tossed Salad

Itty Bitty Bukake Committee

Interracial Butt facial

Henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing…except Great Falls! Just Marc shall be known as Interracial Butt Facial

On-On

6 Pigs in a Blanket

EWH3 Scribe

Hares: Edgar Allan Ho, Blows a Tranny, Obeastiologist, Put It Out and Mannipple Lickter
Brew Crew: Saskatchewsnatch and George StuffedAnOctopus
Virgins: Just Jaime, Andy, Sharon, Jenn, Nisha, Heather, Kendra, Laurie, Erin, Emily, Brian, Ro, Julie, Paul, Kelsey, Jenn, Jason, Ainsly, Hume
Visitors:  eXplodes On iMpact (MemphisH3), Cork Sucker (Puget Sound H3), Banana Hamock (Austin H3), Just Dave (Texas) and Just Christine (Texas)
Analversaries: Tits for Tots (100), Wookin Pa Nub (69), Slum Cockanywhere (17) and Peas on my Face (17)
OnOnOn: Ruby Tuesdays

This year Every Day Is Wednesday hosted the 6th leg of the Tour Duh Hash.  The Tour Duh Hash is an annual event where the truly intrepid (or stupid) can broaden their horizons and enlarge their livers over 9 straight days of hashing with each hash hosted by a different DC kennel.  Seizing the opportunity to show off an EWH3 trail to hashers from other kennels, the hares presented us with a trail so great it was guaranteed to get all but the most prudish of harriets absolutely dripping wet!

Our illustrious GM, Kandy Panties circled us up, some announcements were made and we warned NOT to bring any technology on trail.  The virgins and visitors were introduced, we sang a single verse of High My Name Is Joe, and the pack was sent off.

The trail itself was shiggerific.  It was muddy, had a number of river crossings and more wet holes than a porn convention.   This trail swept me off my feet!  (Literally, the current on one of the river crossings swept me off my feet.)  Fortunately my equipment (scribe notebook and pen) was well wrapped so I was still able to perform at the end circle.  My parents have been telling be to wrap my junk since middle school!   They can’t say I didn’t listen.

Along the way we were treated to two beer checks and a gratuitous shot of ChippenFails bare ass.  Amazingly the casualties were minimal and most of the pack made it to the end circle.  (Frankly I’m always amazed that most of the pack makes it to end circle…)

To enjoy photographic evidence of all the shiggy, wet t-shirts and debauchery be sure to check out the hash flash:  http://www.kodakgallery.com/ewh3/

Now on to the details:

Violations:

·         Po Po Disco did a down-down for having perfect face makeup in spite of running the wettest, shiggiest trail of the year.  Cock Your Suck I Will, whose “makeup” (a broken nose and two black eyes) resembled a raccoons, did a down-down for not getting advice from Po Po about how to put her face on.

·         Air Spanker One and ChippenFails do not exactly epitomize the pinnacle of human evolution, so it was no surprise when they were both caught flinging poo on trail.

·         Banana Hammock paid for hash cash with $2 bills.  I guess inflation is starting to affect the tips you get as a stripper.

·         Kandy Panties, after warning the entire pack NOT to bring any technology on trail, was caught answering his blackberry while he was chest deep in water.  According to witnesses he answered with the line “It’s not a good time.”  Really? No shit!  I bet KP is the kind of guy that picks up a call from his mom while he‘s having sex too.

·         Wax On Whacks Off was caught urinating using an unusual lunging stance.  He did a down-down for learning how to urinate from his dog.

·         Maytagged got a sex injury that actually required a visit to the emergency room.  Afterwards she was so bow legged that she waddled more than she walked.  I’m guessing the next time Maytagged sees an ad in the City Paper looking for a girl for some “equine fun,” she’ll think twice.

·         Keyless Entry was quoted as saying “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a dark wet tunnel and I’ve missed it.”

·         Me-Likee-Lickee-Caca thinks all Asian girls look alike.  

·         Cock-a-Doodle-Do Me was off trail and thought she heard someone calling her name: “Cocky!, Cocky!” It turned out they were actually screaming “Cracker!, Cracker!”

·         Mannipple Lickter lost his hash mug.  Fortunately for him it was found by Legs Over Easy who returned it to him carefully encased in a protective layer of Jello.

 

Then we had a very special occasion… a NAMING!  (It’s not like we do this EVERY week!)

Just Nick grew up in South Dakota and went to South Dakota State University, home of the Jack Rabbits.  He works for the USDA performing hog and pig inventories.  He didn’t seem very confindent about what his hobbies were, answering “Cycling, well no not really, volleyball.”  At this point the crowd decided that Just Nick may be a little bit retarded. 

Just Nick is married although he is known for showing up to the hash with a woman who is not his wife.  When asked what his favorite sexual position Just Nick responded ‘piggy style.’  After a demonstration it turned out ‘piggy style’ was awful lot like ‘doggy style.’  His most embarrassing sexual moment was being caught by his first girlfriend’s mother while they were in the act.  Since the mom just walked away, without saying anything, this story didn’t seem too embarrassing.  However the strangest place Just Nick ever had sex was in a porta potty at a Dave Matthews concert.  (Hold on a minute while I try to keep my lunch contained… Okay I think I’m okay. Really, a porta potty has got to be one of the unsexiest place to have sex EVER.  Almost as bad as a Dave Matthews concert!)

Armed with this information the crowd came up with the following names for Just Nick:

  • Everything But The Squeal
  • Fucks Slow Women
  • Corky the Pig
  • Pork-n-Ride
  • Bring Home the Bacunt
  • Pig-in-a-polk
  • Under the Table and Creaming
  • Squeal Chair
  • Ass Into Me

In the end all of these suggestions paled against Porka Potty.  And so with golden beverage Just Nick was christened Porka Potty.

Then we had a very special occasion (for realz)… a SECOND NAMING!

A second naming, now this is something we actually DON’t do every week!  Just Jill is known for showing up to the hash with Porka Potty every week.  She is from Michigan and went to Michigan State for College where she majored in Spanish and Criminal Justice.  She uses this education to perform background checks for non-profit agencies. 

The meanest thing she had ever done to one of her siblings growing up was to take a switch to her younger sister.  She has been kicked out of Catholic school.  Her most embarrassing non-sexual moment was walking out of the bathroom in high school with her skirt tucked into her shorts. 

Just Jill lost her virginity at 13 (well… it may have been 17).  When asked if she had ever had a lesbian experience Just Jill said “no” but indicated that she was curious.  The most interesting place she had ever had sex was in the paint room of the student union and MSU. (Wow, really getting wild there…) Her most embarrassing sexual moment was losing her shorts while getting finger banged in van; she had to walk home wrapped in a blanket.  (Apparently, this was also her first time rounding that particular base.  Way to start your ‘career’ there Just Jill!)  She also remembered that the van was 1982 Chevy diesel.   Klassy! (with a capitol K on purpose)

The following names were proposed by the crowd:

  • Jack Me Off
  • Uncle Tom’s Stabbin
  • Rusty Chastity Belt
  • Finger Taint by Numbers
  • C.O.N.D.O.M.  (Was an acronym for something.  I don’t remember what.  It sucked anyway.)
  • Father Forgive Me
  • Sexcommunicated
  • Sister Mary Gagged on Her

From now on we’ll be calling Just Jill Uncle Tom’s Stabbin. 

We went to the OnOnOn, got drunk and tried to sleep with people from other hashes.   (Hey that IS new!)  Was everybody happy?  You bet your ass we were!

Until next time…

On on,
Rear Protein Injection
EWH3 Scribe