Posts

EWH3 Trail #765 The FOURGET About the Hash Trash

When: 6:45 PM Thursday April 4, 2013
Where: Waterfront SEU Metro (Green LIne)
Hares: Cock-A-Doodle Do Me, Me-Likee-Lickee-Caca, Underground Railroad, Going Gay with Person A, Benadrill Me
Miscellaneous Crap: A-A Trail, Bring a light (per usual) change of clothes (per usual).

Weather: H58; L45; 10% chance of rain, wind WSW at 5mph.
On On On: Gordon Biersh
100 M Street SE, Washington, DC 20003
202-484-2739

Specials: $1 off all beers starting at 10PM

The evening started at the wonderful waterfront metro stop. With Plan B running on hash time for whatever reason eventually showed up and the pack filled it with their mugs and run bags. Our lovely GM for the evening Colliteral Damage started off by welcoming the pack and telling us some sad news, a price in crease!!! Hash Cash will soon be 6 whole dollars!!! What is the hash going to do with all of this money? Im guessing mis-management will just spend it on hooker and blow like usual but hopefully they will still provide us with plenty of beer. But enough about all that sadness we quickly moved on by introducing our virgins to the group, Just Alex, Chris, Jason, Chris, Manan, Gillian, Kent, Nichole Nadia, and some Brit(probably Austrailian, but not like I know the difference) Robert.

We also had a visitor from the Brooklyn H3, Piece of Slut, who like all hipsters in Brooklyn has been hashing before it was cool. There was also a new PUDJAM hasher Just William who really isn’t aware of what a visitor is, he has since learned. Welcome to the area Just William.

Our Hare rep and our soon deportee to China Benadrill Me then explained the intricate details of how they planned to loose the pack in the neighborhood.  She then lead the group with a song about a button pushing mainiac, his horrible wife, and bastard children, with the help of Kindergarten Cock, Jew-Cock-a, and Tend her Loins. The pack then set off into the troubled neighborhoods of the waterfront to startle the locals and stir up the police.

The pack located the van quite easily at the first check and after a quick beverage were off again  The pack found themselves at one of our favorite overpass skateparks and soon circled up.

The RA for the evening Put It Out(PIO) started off by calling out the hares Cock-A-Doodle Do Me, Me-Likee-Lickee-Caca, Underground Railroad, Going Gay with Person A, and Benadrill Me. PIO was assisted by the ever elusive Just Matt handing out down Down beverages. After informing the hares of how shitty their trail was we again introduced the virgins to the group and asked them to inform the pack  of their current relationship stati, so the hashers could pick the ones who were ideal to be slobbering over later at the on after. In proper for we had to demonstrate how to do a down-down to which RG3some volunteered her services. The virgins took their down downs and we moved on to our visitor Piece of Slut who briefly entertained us with a joke of a song.

Next was my favorite part Violations!!!

-Yes Sir, Yes She’s Fat was violated for having a birthday the same week as a hash.

Dr. Too LIttle was violated for over excitement. At the start Too little was so excited to go hashing she tore her pants open.

Just Rob was violated for shotgunning a beer and drinking it from the wrong end, proving that australians do most everything upside down.

Tragic Carpet Ride was violated for looking like Ralphie from a christmas story after actually shaving for the first time in months.

Tuck Tuck Duece was violated for asking if the if Plan B had fluid in it after he saw a puddle underneath it. Somebody should tell him thats where the beverages come from.

Kindergarden Cock was given a safety third violation, apparently he was too busy turning to flip off other hashers while crossing the road to look for cars and was almost hit by one.

Just William was violated for making the claim that he was the blackest white men you would ever meet. Even though he may lover country music, grew up in a trailer park, and has a small penis we already have one of those and we call him Motor Mouth.

Motor Mouth Was Violated for losing his necklace. This necklace has traveled around the hash and has been around at least a dozen sets of balls around the hash too, talk to Uno, Dos, Tres, Liftoff if you really want to see evidence.
There were then several violations from the crowd. Benadrill Me was violated for being deported or something, regardless shes going to China to help them supply the North Koreans with weapons or teach english or something. I(Little Thunder Clap) was violated for not having violated the hares enough(I know, Ill work on it, but you attention whores get enough limelight as it is) PIO was violated for having an illegitimate child(Just Matt) probably one of several.

Aaaaahhhh and then the solemn occasion of NAMING!!!!
The ever elusive Just Matt has been sneaky and avoided end circles for some time. This night we tricked him into staying by making him beer bitch and attempted to name him. We didn’t get far enough with questions but the bit we learned about Just Matt aside from the fact that he looks like a bastard child of PIO and may well be, he works for the Navy and “Builds Shit” is the unclassified description of what he does. His favorite cartoon character is Wile e coyote and if he could ever hook up with a famous male star it would be George Clooney. After learning these facts about Matt he got away again when the friendly armed gentlemen who had been previously only loitering called an end to our shenanigans and the pack made their way to the on after.  You cant run forever Just Matt!!

Some special thanks

Brew Crew of course Mr. Head And Blows A Tranny, for spending their date night doling out the beverages and and thanks for keeping your cool when 5-OH showed up.

Thanks to the evenings GM Collitoral Damage for staying sober and being cool enough to keep us all from getting arrested.

Thanks to the DCs Finest for keeping us all safe as usual and of course for not arresting us. We didn’t want you to get hand cramps from filling out that much paperwork anyways.

ON- happy fathers day PIO!!!-ON

EWH3 Scribe

Little Thunder Clap