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EWH3# 777: The We <3 WH4 Trail Trash! Thursday June 27, 2013- Woodley Park-Zoo/Adams Morgan Metro (Red Line)

Where: Woodley Park-Zoo/Adams Morgan Metro (Red Line).  Follow marks to the start.

When: 6:45 PM Thursday June 27, 2013. Pack away at 715ish.

Hares: Mursey F*ck,  HaystackMath Sucks, Snatch Shot and mystery hare

Weather: H92; L76; 40% chance of rain, scattered thunderstorms, wind SSW at 10mph.

On On On: Atomic Billiards

 

This trail started on a moist afternoon in June and soon turned into a soggy sh*t show. The skies were clear as the pack circled up at the corner of Connecticut and Calvert.  Our brew crewers for the night Rape and Spillage and Yeast infection managed to find a spot for Plan-B brew just a stones throw from sign in. The GM for the evening Colliteral Damage started off by introducing the virgins to the pack, just Deborah, Laura, Lauren, Matt, Susan, Justine, and Spencer. We had a trio of visitors Brokeback Dyke, Blackie, and Goats are Baaad. The hare representatives Mursey F*ck, Snatch Shot, and Hungry Hungry Homo explained in advance how poorly the trail was laid and the pack may as well go home. But most of the pack stayed and after a song about a man with children likely to byproducts of a cheating wife the pack was off.

 

The hares ran the pack through various parts of the rock creek park and thoroughly scattered the pack around. This may have been due to Mursey F*ck writing trail marks in Spanish. The pack found Plan-B for a quick beer check, they were then turned around back the way they came and found Plan-B again at the end of washed out Klingle road.

The RA for the night Cock-a-Doodle-Do-Me circled up the pack and started circle as the skies began to open, violating the hares, reintroducing the virgins and reminding us that we have some weird visitors. Then it was time for violations!!

 

Zero Shart Thirty was violated for making use of the first aid kit because as he stated “the burning wont stop” I suggest you see a gynecologist about that.

Pole Her Express was violated for needing the assistance of a Mexican (Mursey F*ck) to get past a fence.

Kindergarten Cock was violated for the fact that after being gone to a foreign country for several months the best story he had to tell was when he saw two dogs having sex outside a barber shop.

 

Then it was time for the most solemn occasion of a naming. The lucky hasher to put their knees in a puddle this week was just Catherine. A little about Catherine, she attended a lesbian training school of Wellesley where she studied political science and now in school for a PHD in the same BS major, has a hot mom who was a ballet dancer, once had a summer job as a camp counselor where she kissed a guy named Dave, her siblings used to threaten to throw her cat(WTF?),  and has a serious ability for avoiding the question when she doesn’t want to answer it. The pack had a good barrage of names come through right from the start, Beats around the Bush, Dicklomatic Relations, Dicks Over Man Anytime(DOMA), 3 Hour Whore, Twat Hunter, Cunt Get No Satisfaction and many others that the rain washed away in my notebook. But only one name was worthy of this hasher.  Forever more and throughout the world of hashing except (you know who you are) Just Catherine will be known as The Lez Boat!!

And then the pack was Happy, Macho mugs were nowhere in sight had and the pack made their way through the monsoon to atomic billiards.

 

On – My hash bag washed away -On

EWH3 Scribe

Little Thunder Clap

 

Hash Trash

Where: Woodley Park-Zoo/AdMo Metro

When: March 28, 2013

Hares: Grinding Nemo, Pebbles for Pussy, French Toasted, G.T.O., Vagina Repellent, Bad Dog

It was another nice *warm* evening for hashing. We braved the cold and the crowds of tourists for a night of running Lost in the Woods (which incidentally was the name of the first porn movie I ever watched). We circled up on the edge of Woodley Park with some fresh meat…. Uh I mean virgins/Justs:

Bryan, Steven and Stephen (which one of you goes by Stevo-O and do you show everyone your O-face?), Danielle, Josh, Carter, and Christine.

We also had a visitor Straight in the Navy. We can’t remember where you are from (I think Ithaca) so come back and tell us next time.

We sang about our second favorite button factory and were off to explore the forest. We ran through hill and dell and managed to spend many miles deep in the forests (including the DC panda’s secret stash of bamboo). The Shiggy was plentiful but the marks were not and so many virgins were Lost in the Woods. Sadly we did not come upon any young women skinny dipping in the forest (I’m sure the hares were saving that for summer hashing) and there were no hot Park Rangers to *save* us (oh wait that was the porno again). S&Mom was the Moses of the hash and helped the lost mini-pack back to the promise land (and by promise land I mean creepy back alley in DC with our favorite beverage and orange food). Also S&Mom  updated the named hasher run counts online so he is everyone’s Moses right now.

Dude, That Guy and You Sucked my Battle Dick were our beverage crew for the night – thanks guys! Moving on to violations:

  • The Hares oh wait almost all the hares ran away to avoid being violated in circle (doesn’t everyone like being violated… we give you beer for your trouble). Bad Dog was the only hare to stick around despite being recruited to help at 3:00 pm that day. He joined you all last minute and you repay him by bailing. So. Not. Cool. Buy Bad Dog a beer next time you see him for taking one (and sitting on all the ice) for the team.
  • We violated Pulp Friction for sharing that he blew an RA. Sadly he refused to tell us which RA!
  • Humpty Humpty Homo declared that pants are not necessary (Acceptable hash behavior? However, can we wait until it is a bit warmer outside?)
  • Cocktologist was violated for being such a big Ohio State fan that she wore an Ohio fleece, scarf and gloves to trail. And as an added bonus she wore bright red Ohio lipstick to trail too! How is your bracket doing Cocktologist?
  • Just Christine wanted us all to know about forgetting her *safe word* during that spanking incident so she wore super short shorts to trail so we could all see the massive bruise just below her left buttocks. Thanks for sharing!
  • Frank Lloyd Bite was violated for trying to out-zen the Zen-ner.
  • While wearing his favorite racist MCM jacket Brown Eye for the Gay Guy tried to pour beer into his cup while his cup was upside down. He may be the world’s only hasher who is more coordinated drunk than sober. We’ll miss you Brown Eye – safe travels!
  • Dr. Toolittle only hashes for the art as she was gushing about how beautiful the true trail markings were. Um yeah – we want some of what you were drinking!
  • Just Stevo (and were not quite sure which Stephen/Steven you are but we think we like you) came running into Beer Check and yelled, “This is just like Viet Nam.” Trust us hashing is not at all like Viet Nam!
  • Our visitor Straight in the Navy was from Ithaca and was talking trash about “city hashing” before trail. However, he managed to get lost in the woods on our urban shiggy trail (before beer check and the trail got wonky).

There were violations from the crowd that included Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock misusing Gay Panda Terminology and Going Gay with Person A wearing see through yoga pants (thanks for proving it).

Next up we had a very special occasion….. A NAMING! Just Quynh studied at the University of Virginia/Vagina, has a thing for Homer on the Simpsons, and lost her virginity at the ripe old age of 23. She is also a root canal specialist, has an affinity for colonoscopies, and once saw a porno with a really big cock (isn’t that every porno ever made?). We tried very hard to drag good stories out of Just Quynh but either she not telling or needs to spend more time hashing because we just weren’t getting much. We kept going back to the poop stories and her dentist profession. We ended up with some good naming options: Dental Damn, Ahhhhh, Rinse&Shit, and Drill and Fill. However, henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing (except those guys) Just Quynh will be known as Colon Bowel.

Then we were all happy and sang a song to bemoan the fact that we cannot hash with Jesus (to prepare for Easter). Next we all went in peace to Madhatter to decrease the Dupont douche factor of that very classy establishment. Everyone knows that tiny glasses of $1 light green beer just scream high class.

On-LostIntheWoodsPornRules-On,

Glitty Clitty Gang Bang

EWH3 Scribe

Where: Woodley Park-Zoo/Adams Morgan Metro.

When: 6:45 PM Thursday January 24, 2013

Hares: A bunch of awesome incoming Mismanagement members (Miss Me Gag Me, Excuse Me Is That Your Bag, Dr. Too Little, Cock-a-Doodle-Do Me, St. Pauli’s Girl, Fire Drill, Daisy Chain, S&Mom)

On On On: Millie and Al’s
Global warming my b*lls!  The Red White and Booze trail had to be the coldest/first trail Ive ever officially scribed. We circled at the corner of Connecticut ave and Calvert st N W a whole tenth of a mile south of the Woodley Park-Zoo metro stop. The creepy rape van Plan B was surprisingly so close to start you could spit ice cubes at it, no seriously it was that cold your spit would freeze. So cold the hair in your nose would freeze together when you inhale through it, Im not saying me but you know if you had an issue like that you may want to pick up some clippers some time. Just saying….
Now its true on cold nights such as this one you tend to get the true diehards of hashing. Only the toughest and truest(or dumbest) of hashers come out on nights like these, its even more rare that we get virgins on a night like this but we did. Just Catherine and Cleo proved they are poor decision makers deciding to begin hashing on the coldest hashing day of the year so far, hopefully their poor decisions continued at the on-on-on. If there were any hashers visiting the DC metro area that night they were smart enough not to make their presence known. After a short song about a guy who pushes buttons with his tongue the pack was off.
We ended our “run” in every hashers favorite kickball field off 18th st Daisychian began circle calling out the hares with Just Christine handing out the violation beverages. In honor of Tragic Carpet Rides 69th run the jubilee had the great honor of presenting him with his EWH3 shorts. Tragic not one for double bagging, horrified the crowd of hasher(which is hard to do) with his “presence” in a different way than usual, and earned the song “Its a small d#ck after all”   The large man then replaced his pants as accurately as he could.
Of course when you start violations Tragic Carpet Ride  doesnt get too far.
  • Tragic seems to be pushing the boundries of his sexual preferences as of late so keep your pets on a short leash, Tragic was heard on trail saying after seeing the one dog on trail “If I was a dog, I’d b*ng that dog,  Ohhhh Yeeeahh” PETA and the ASPCA have been notified.
  • Up my Butt with a Fire Truck didnt want to say that he is old enough to know what a Betamax  tape is(ask your mom shes old too) but he does know what anal beads are for. He also claims that hes never owned either  Sure.. sure… we arent here to judge.
  • Just Christine was violated for saying “I dont recognize all these people with their clothes on”  Not because she a whore, just because you know ummm….
  • The nights RA DaisyChain  was violated for asking the scribe to stretch out violations so she could “pee behind one of the pillars”
 Violations were then turned over to the crowd, Just Christine was again violated for here serious interest in a drug that opens up the back door for date night if you know what I mean, but she swears only gay men use, it not christine of course *wink* *wink*. Yule log violated me Little thunder Clap for overly apologizing for the brevity of my violations(did I say it was cold), saying it sounded a bit to rehearsed. All I can say Yule is ask your mother she may have heard a similar apology from me. Many more violations followed and many beverages were consumed. Until the solemn occasion of a..
NAMING!!
On this night the lucky and soon to be hypothermic soul was just Ioana.  Ioana was a communist living in Moldova at an early age later moved to Romania to be a Russian spy disguised as a gypsy. She later decided to move to the US after hearing they had cheerleaders. In the US shes lived in Michigan, Ohio, New Jersey (that explains the smell) and now the District. She earns or at least embezzles enough money to go hashing at a real people job lawyering for a federal trade something or other. Its fun Im sure, and I’d bet she has a sweet pocket protector. The only important story had the crowd drooling and wondering where to buy there Redskins cheerleader calenders. Apparently this girl has enough game to put the average pick up artist to shame. Not only did she manage to manage to seduce a girl at a bar, convince this young lady to take home, but also convinced this woman to let her have her way with her Fiance AT THE SAME TIME!!  Only to find out later in the evening that the woman was a redskins cheerleader pinup. This story produced the only name worthy of this hasher now know as RG3SOME!!!
Everyone was happy, I with my frozen fingers and note pad made my way to the ONONON. Thats all for now.
ON- I still cant feel my fingers -ONLittle Thunder ClapEWH3 Scribe