We’re in the middle of the most unusual anal run of a Triple Crown in some time with a nice disqualification at the Kentucky Derby, the Preakness seemed to go without a hitch, and the Belmont is just weeks away. So don your seersucker and your big flowery hats, or whatever comes to mind when you think “Derby”, or “horses”, or whatever… Just be ready to sip some Mint Juleps out by Stadium Armory this Thursday – it’s Derby Days!
When: 6:45 PM, May 30th, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!
Where: Stadium Armory (Orange / Blue / Silver lines) – follow marks to start!
Hares: Special Head Kid, Just Roxy, Seizure’s Phallus, Heaven’s Gape, Basement Boy Toy, and a Hare To Be Determined Later.
Trail Length: Runners: 2.6 miles 1st half, 2.2 miles 2nd half Walkers: 1.43 miles 1st half, 1.05 2nd half
Theme: Derby Derby Derby. Horse races and stuff.
Misc. Crap: Trail is A to B. Mild shiggy on runners. Hares spotted some PI, and plenty of mosquitoes. So bring the bug spray and your shiggy socks. Walkers and runners are dog friendly, walkers is stroller / gimpy leg friendly. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.
Last Trains out of Potomac Ave: Blue to Franconia / Springfield: 11:15 PM Blue to Largo Town Center: 11:49 PM Orange to Vienna: 11:36 Orange to New Carrollton: 11:21 PM Silver to Largo Town Center: 11:34 PM Silver to Wiehle / Reston East 11:08 PM
Specials: There are some! The same ones they always give us (I don’t remember what they are, but for real Mark described them to me, but since I’m not a frickin stenographer, you’ll just have to trust (get it?) they’ll be there. These guys love us, please tip well.
Happy prom season wanks and wankettes! Did you get detention a lot in school? Were you ever punished by being thrown onto the MATHletes team? Were you the hot soccer jock who barely passed their classes? Angry artist? Even if you were the wall flower or outcast, fear not! All are welcum at this end of school year celebratory trail. Come dressed as your favorite high school archetype or wear some old prom gear. Don’t wanna try that hard?….Just wear pink! Every day is Wednesday, after all.
When: 6:45pm, Thursday May 23rd. Pack away at 7:15!
Where: Georgia Ave/Petworth – follow marks to start!
Hares: Scooter Cunte, Roll Over, Bitch!, Heaven’s Gape, Tragic Carpet Ride is fearlessly leading the walkers and Slut Machine and Barebackin’ Pearls will be sweeping.
Trail Length: Runners total trail: 3 miles Walker’s total trail: 1.4 miles
Theme: Tuxedo shirts? Tiaras and prom dresses? Pink so you can still sit with us?
Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Mostly urban so little to no shiggy. Bug spray might be a good idea. Dog and stroller friendly. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.
Last trains out of Columbia Heights Metro: Green Line to Branch Ave: 11:22 PM Green Line to Greenbelt: 11:55 PM Yellow Line to Huntington: 11:12 PM